The Framing Effect: Is The Grass Greener on The Other Side

This is the light inside. I'm Jeffrey. Be sicker a picture. They're often said to be worth a thousand words, but what happens when a part of this picture is inaccurate or even missing how things are presented has a significant impact on how we see them forming our frame of reference, most common framing drawing attention to the positive gain or negative association with an option. We're susceptible to this sort of framing because Cuz as humans we avoid loss and at times we develop blind spots, think about this popular photography metaphor behind the concept.

A Frame focuses attention on the picture. It surrounds different characteristics drawing out different aspects of the work. How someone frames in issue influences how we see things today? We look at how the way things are presented determines, what our brains choose to see and how our emotions and memories of the past shape, and inform this perspective. Active tune in to find out how when we return to the light inside. When it comes to mobile service providers with their High rate plans, extra fees and hidden costs or expenses.

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Visit our MIT, mobile affiliate Link at the light inside dot U. S-- /spawn sirs for additional mobile savings or activate your plan and minutes. It's with the myth mobile app. As a neurodivergent mother of a young neurodivergent son carry Kirk Ella's life often poses uniquely difficult challenges. Everyday tasks, can often become daunting charged with emotions and stressful at the age of five. Her son, Gavin struggles with having some intense and difficult sensory processing issues. Even the most basic of tasks like getting ready for school.

Proved to be uniquely challenging for the entire Emily. There's so many stories running through my head about examples that I could share that even just happened this morning with my son getting ready for school and the meltdowns and, you know, it's like I know that I need some more kind of self-care some more of that time for myself in order to be able to be a stand for him to be more emotionally calm when he's in that kind of a state for carry the process of getting out the door with the kids, a daily battle.

To further complicate matters, carries busy life is already difficult enough. She's trying to run a business. Hold down the fort at home and raise her son, whether it's wrestling with Gavin's, desire to wear, one particular pair of shoes or the comforting finds in the small handful of short sleeve T-shirts. That is overly sensitive nervous system can tolerate at times. She has trouble handling the difficulties and she to finds herself frustrated yet she has the hope that her child will grow up to live.

A happy and healthy life but she's also concerned about the Future. These are a few examples of the hurdles that they face is a family for most parents. Nothing is more important than a child's. Future will carry knows that there are other parents out there, who struggle just as much. She's determined to find a way to help them, see that they can make it through, carry secret to success, her ability to shift the lens, the shapes, our perspective allowing her to see things in a new light. So Carrie First and foremost, I'd like to welcome you today.

Thanks for having me. I am so excited to look at this perspective of the lenses we utilize when viewing the world. As a busy mom, a solo entrepreneur and creative photographer. You understand what it means to be busy with many identities or roles that we have often created throughout our lives. You also face the challenges that arise from experiencing neurodiversity as well. That experience had to present some fairy Daunting challenges. Could you share with us a little bit about your story? Okay, sure.

So I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was in my late twenties and because I had episodes around that and I was hospitalized three times over a period of 17 years. That had a huge effect on how I saw myself because that's just you can either look at it from one perspective or another though. Eventually thank God. I Arted looking at it from a perspective of wow look how resilient I am, you know, look at what I've been through and how you can actually come back from something like that. And that it's, you know, that's a perspective that I that I've chosen, thanks to some therapy, thanks to some personal development work and so really.

When you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at really do change and it's something dire quote. So as a result of you working as a He ate a photographer, you've developed a framework that improves our mental and emotional well-being, that allows us to challenge or question or change our view with that lens that we look through when viewing the world. So let's begin today, by looking at your perspective on hololens, WE utilized both view ourselves, and our perspectives shapes the way we experience the world around us.

So yeah, no, no, I love that. Just low. To say right away about how the lens that we see ourselves through is really how we are going to experience everything around us and also how our self-image. Basically, it's just everything stems from that and you're either acting from, you know, an empowered state or a disempowered state, pretty much all the time. And being aware of your thoughts is what helps you choose which way you want to go do in this regard? What are some of the Underlying factors that you fill shape this perspective.

And why do you feel we might often see the grass is greener on the other side when we consider differing Frameworks and perspectives. Well, I feel like, you know, we're coming from everything, we've experienced all of our conditioning, and our upbringing, and so many different influences coming from everywhere. And I think that the challenge is being in a more of a state of gratitude can help you. Not be dwelling all the The time on the grass is always greener on the other side, but we're not really taught that as young children and once you can start to shift your perspective and this is all photography speak to because so much of it relates to that.

So that's how that came about. But when you can shift that perspective then things start to shift in your life. Actually, you know, you start to make changes that are real in your life. So I feel, you know, most of it, it's a lot of conditioning from, when you're young, you know, I have a lot of just, I come from a Last family that really struggled, struggles still a lot. And so I think that there's always sort of been this little little voice in my head that that family is going on this vacation.

We're not, you know, this just things like that that kind of sort of make an imprint when you're young. And so then, as you get older, it's about how do you manage those imprints. From that perspective, it's easy to see our perception is influenced by various filters blocks. Limitations that shape, how we Perceive and interpret the world around us. Some key factors, be your emotional filters, memory, limitations, cultural and social filters, and cognitive biases, as examples of much more complex interactions, right?

Yeah. I think that. And then the piece with emotional resilience, and of self-awareness, really having that flexibility of being able to see different sides of things can really help, not have you be stuck in some sort of pattern? I think that that's why when we do Then creative and look at the way that I do my program. It's about looking at the world around us through metaphors, to do symbolic site. And so once you start practicing that, for example, when I do a, my Foundation Workshop is about creating images of nature as a mindfulness practice, and there's a quote by Virginia.

Woolf she said, I am rooted, but I flow. So once we get Into a mindfulness more of a, you know, connecting with all of our senses. After that, we start to get into a creative Flow State by creating images based on that, quote, for example, and just doing that in and of itself can help you start to see different things in your life differently. From that perspective. Do you think we sometimes might be uncomfortable with that idea that we do have an Eden value in operating on patterns? Yes, definitely I think most people When I admit that then it feels like, you know, you're not in control of your life, you're kind of just being conditioned or programmed which I don't think anybody wants.

So that's an ironic relationship sometimes to ponder. Because in many regards we do benefit from a healthy relationship from conditioned response. We have to be somewhat habituated to wake up in a healthy pattern. Every day, we have to be somewhat bitch, you waited and conditioned to show up to work? Work to earn a living. We have to be conditioned somewhat in a pattern to have that habit of showing up for others, especially conditioned, in how we look at how we show up for ourselves. That's true.

There's definitely ways to can, you know, you can be conditioned in a positive way is and also active ways. You're so often. We once again kind of focus that lens in on the limiting black-and-white of well conditioning in of itself, is challenging to us. Neat and of itself is somehow adverse yet. When we look at that other example, we see where, when we Empower, those patterns of conditioning, we can work with them to work for our benefit, we can work with them to move more productively or more healthily toward that state of flow, right?

That's true and that reminds me of how, you know, what does it take 30 days to create a positive habit? I mean I think the reason why would I do through the lens method is so So accessible is because it's with a smartphone and so anybody can take pictures with their smartphone and every most people do it anyway. So it's kind of just using it intentionally and as a Force for good. So, it's sort of just changing the habits perspective, you know? Maybe you already have a habit of making pictures with your phone, but you don't ever look at them or, you know, create them intentionally.

But, yeah, I think that just doing some sort of practice in it whether it's a creative practice or a self-care ritual. Are things like that, that can really help shift your idea of what you want to be starts to go in that direction, right? You can kind of create your own habits and conditioning a firm. If you will for the, you know, since we're talking about conditioning. So what rule do you feel from your perspective carry emotional interactions play in this process? Well, human interaction and just human connection is so important to help us get more out of our heads because we have most of the time.

If we're kind of of ping-pong around in our brains, we can get some of us can get into that ruminating state or we just see things in more of a, we don't necessarily see other options or other perspectives. And when we, when we have that human connection, I mean, it also helps with oxytocin and show you those things. And so our emotions are everything. It's really, you know, energy and motion, and it's going to affect how what our next action Tsar. And so, when you can be in a more, when you can have more of a regulated nervous system when you when you do things to help you have a regular more regulated nervous system which you know, there's a lot of different ways to go about that.

But when you have sort of a balance in your life that helps facilitate that process, then you have more of a handle kind of on your emotions and your whether or not you're going to be in more of a reactive state or more of a open and calm State and so that Is going to affect what happens next. I mean, I feel like we can talk about it. So share with us more about that interaction. Specifically, what are some of the typical roadblocks? You feel you might run into when you're interacting with your child?

Well, there's so many because my my child is a, it's a very wonderful child and he's also a very highly persistent. Highly emotional, highly intelligent and intense, And so, my husband and I deal with a lot of emotion, all day every day. And so, I think that when it can be really challenging, especially for for someone who has sensory, he also has, he has some sensory sensitivities. And so, just putting on clothing answer, really a big challenge in our daily life and everything kind of, you know, bathing eating everything is hard and so I also So have some sensory challenges where you know loud noises bother me and so if he's screaming you know I have to kind of like takes a breath.

So I have to sometimes I have to leave the room and, you know, I had to take a break but I don't want to leave him alone with his big feeling. So there's always a lot, a lot to navigate with that. And it's really hard. It's really the biggest challenge of my life at this point, that whole task of Co regulating with our children is challenging inherently. Most of us because ultimately, we've grown up in a lot of regards in environments that don't teach us those skills of co-regulation that don't mirror and reflect that stake to us.

Yeah, that's so true and it's, you know, I didn't learn I was a very easygoing kid. I don't think. I feel like I didn't rock the boat ever. But my sister on the other hand, was a really challenging kids and so there was just there was definitely yelling in my house. There was things that It was, you know, of course, most of the time if someone wasn't behaving well, one of the kids in my family to have to go to our room, I never did because I was perfect little angel by my sister. They would, they would have to go to their room.

And when you have to go to your room and be alone with your big feelings, it's actually not good for your nervous system to, to sort of stuff. You learn that you have to stuff your feelings down, but that it's not, it's not healthy to have big feelings. That's a pattern that we can pick up. A lot of times, I know from my own experience that we weren't necessarily guided toward that, understanding of, I see your feelings. Let's sit with your feelings, let's respect and honor. You know, let's look at the core reasoning behind that, you know, that's not the fault, the parenting model but our parents sometimes did not learn those skills or trade either.

It was go to your room. Now, you see the emotional interaction, as bad? You see that emotional interaction is something to avoid. Avoid. Yeah and also it also reminds me how it's better to not try to fix it right? Whatever my son gets very frustrated with things because he wants to. He's very into building and designing things but he's only five so he can't always do what he wants to do and when he gets super frustrated my you know natural inclination is to want to just do it for him and fix it so that he doesn't freak out and throw the thing across the room.

But you're not really supposed to be bad because you know, You're supposed to my understanding is that it's better to just be supportive of them and where they're going through, you know, in that regard, looking back at our conversation, sometimes we learn those emotional filters, as a part of that process we learned that we filter things, we selectively look at our emotion, we selectively choose whether or not emotion has right to exist sometimes, sometimes that becomes the condition pattern of belief, right.

People believe that it's not going to be angry, which I don't think is a healthy way to look at it because we, we are human beings with their soul spectrum of wide range of emotions and anger is one of them, you know, and it's just how to manage that how to navigate it rather than just sort of stuffing it down. Because I really believe that that can cause a lot of problems. You know, there's a lot of studies about that how it causes. A lot of problems in the body. I could relate to that firsthand because that was one of my core.

Trump's growing up in an environment of unhealthy patterns of traumatic. Anger, is a traumatic anger because we weren't allowed to express that and healthy manners because the pattern simply didn't exist as a result of that I developed fear and shame around my interactions with emotions in general, even though we had the opposite of that, where the men in our family were very easy to move to tears. Very sympathetic. Eric very empathetic, they also had that unhealthy relationship with anger. The unhealthy outbursts, the unhealthy Expressions that didn't have that emotional competency to regulate.

Yeah, I feel like there's such a huge, you know, we need so much more support around that for a parent and some verbs for kids because especially because the next generation is following in the footsteps, maybe of not, knowing, how to deal with emotions. And then some cases Just choosing to not feel them, right? And just kind of stuff them down and start looking at screens or whatever it is. And I mean, there's some there's different schools of thought on how to regulate and so and I'm not an expert in that, but I just feel like when my son is begging me for the for the, you know, the iPhone to look watch when he's really upset, it pains me to do that because I just feel like that's not the way to handle it.

The best way up. Next, we'll discuss. Discover what our favorite ice cream tells us about how we view the world in why we make the day-to-day choices that we do. When we return to the light inside. We'd like to offer a shout out to our Philly. It matching partner pod, match.com pod match. Is the Revolutionary podcasting matching system driven by AI as an industry leader in podcast guesting, in hosting their, our go-to solution for creating meaningful podcast. Interactions pod match.com makes finding the ideal guest or host effortless stop by and visit our affiliate link today at www.viki light inside.

Come. This is the light inside. I'm Jeffrey biesecker. There are conflicts everywhere in the world every day. Between people, many of us, find it difficult to understand other people's points of view. Whether it is our loved ones or world leaders. Therefore we attribute our differences to quirks in our personalities, in the world, we live in. There's always going to be a difference between what you see and how others. See things. For example, two people can look at The same painting and have two very different interpretations of its meaning.

This is because everyone has their own unique experiences and perspectives or individual experiences and perspectives shape. How we interpret the world around us. As a result, it's only natural that people will have different interpretations of the same thing. We all have our preferences, everything from the clothes, we wear to the car. We drive, and even our favorite flavor of ice cream in typical of us, we each feel our preference to be Best option, not only for ourselves, but for others as well.

In reality, our core belief shape, the way we view the world in many ways. This week, we talked with neuroscientist Mark Williams about how our beliefs shape our reality and how we can use this knowledge to live a more fulfilling and harmonious life Mark lean. And today as children were all rather malleable and how we view the world or ideas and opinions aren't already formed. I'd like to look at how our Dances shape, the way we see ourselves in others and perhaps more specifically, why we often formed blind spots in how we perceive ourselves, if purposely set aside preforming our core line of questioning with the intent of returning to that beginners mindset.

But to begin Mark, where we frame, our perspectives is shaped by several key factors. Would you highlight these factors for us? Yes, our biggest problem with us as humans, or any animal real. Is that the world's really complicated? And we are only able to perceive very, very small amount of what's actually out there at any one time. So our working memory which is what we call it in neuroscience and spec from a psychological point of view we call it. Their Consciousness is really limited and you're only able to have 57 items in your working memory at any one time or your Consciousness than any one time.

It's really, really thin. So we used to have phone numbers before we had mobile phones, used to be limited to six numbers because we could only hold six numbers in our working memory. And then we had to dial them before we added these fancy phones would actually hold all that. So they're always limited to six numbers for that reason. So that's why we have to do lots of stuff, or have lots of stuff in our brain, which is telling us what's actually going on. When we're not actually able to process it.

Because our working memory, our Consciousness is so limited and so therefore, most of what actually we think is going on on what we think. He's been processed is actually all automatic or oats unconscious and it's a biased because it's just a generalization what we've learned and because our genetic material that we receive from our mothers and our fathers when we born is so limited, vast majority over but basically all of our our knowledge is learned. So it's all learned very early on and it's all weren't on everything that we experience in those first few years, which then tells us what The world's like and what all the generalizations are like.

And so those things have coarser things like our emotions and how we were going to respond to stimuli that are out there in the world. Also, our biases towards other people or other things. So they are automatic that generalizations or the categorization to be have about things that are out there in the world. Everything from really simple things like you know, when something's in the shade then it's actually much brighter than it actually is which makes us See colors differently when they're in the shade compared to when they're in life.

All the way to you know what somebody of a particular race, might normally what we think is normal normally how they may normally behaved. So all of those things are things that we learn and therefore generalize and therefore constantly are perceiving the world in that way because of this fact that our Consciousness is so limited and we're only able to really concentrate on one thing at a time and I gave you a lot of information in my what That's great. Know, sometimes being that child is being open to the wisdom or mind.

That's guiding us. So, in that respect, you do in our day-to-day lives, were often bombarded with data information, stimuli stimulus, you know, multiple sources of potential distraction even at times from that biological standpoint, what might serve as that core basis or reason why we are limited to Only those five factors of those five points of interest. Yes. Okay. Because we are limited to only five to seven slots or five to seven items that we can actually hold in our mind. We, we can't multitask.

So, every time we do get distracted, we actually fell attention shifts. Our Consciousness to that new thing that we've just been distracted by, and we actually lose the last 90 seconds of whatever we're doing. So if you actually want to think about something and hold that information, You've got to hold it for at least 90 seconds, so that it can be transferred to a temporary store. So then it can be transferred to your long-term memory later on. And so, when we do get this, each time we get distracted by something in our environment.

Everything gets wiped from our Consciousness even though we don't realize it because their brains are really good at tricking us into thinking that our perception is this constant real? That's actually happening when it's not actually. It's this constant jumping from one thing to another and so every time we distracted we go to something else. We lose the 90 seconds of what we're doing and the new thing then takes over. But again because it's so limited in the inputs are limited, most of what it is.

That's actually occurring. Most of what we're receiving is, actually from our long-term memories from our clan Consciousness. So vast majority 70 to 80% of what we perceive and what we think we're understanding about the world out there is actually just generated from our long-term memory from our unconscious areas of our brain. And so, this is why Why they're often is misunderstandings and there are a lot of misunderstandings that it get because we're relying on our own past and our own knowledge in their long-term memory and not on what we're actually really deceiving in the world from the technical perspective from my awareness.

I know that that memory is divided or compartmentalized in some regards to two different categories or types. I'll put it that way, from my perspective, the explicit memory in the implicit memory, could you Differentiate the two of those for us and maybe give us a brief explanation of how each of those roles play out. So yes. So that explicit is stuff that we're actually we can bring to mind. So if I ask you a question like could, you know, 10 different flavored ice creams that you experienced in the past and you be able to reel off in a chocolate and strawberry and vanilla, and whatever it happens to be a dancer explicit memory.

So those are things that you can bring to mind if you actually explicitly can explain to me. But then if I turn, Turn around saying, well what's your favorite ice cream? Then that's really an implicit memory because it's based on your emotions which you don't really have explicitly contact. All of you don't have access to that explicit that. So you might, I would probably start thinking about ice creams, and I'll probably be like, well, I really like vanilla, but then I also like chocolate sometimes and then when I think of chocolate, I get certain emotional responses to it, but then I think we'll hang on.

I also like cookies and cream because my kids love cookies. Crying. So I have an emotional response to that. And so that though all those, those emotional responses, we don't really know what we don't explicitly. Remember why we have all those emotional responses that are implicit, then the dead things that we're not aware of but they make they have an impact on our decisions. On what decisions were actually making. So that's the way I like to talk to people about the difference between an implicit and explicit.

No be explicit of stuff that we can easily describe and pulling two are working. Memory foam are long-term and whereas implicit staffers stuff that actually impacts on the way we make decisions and how we perceive the world, but we can't really describe it in any way. I can't really describe our. I like chocolate ice cream for example, but I do like chocolate ice cream. It's interesting to me to see that correlation between emotion and how, our emotions by most regards are believed to last between a few milliseconds in 90 seconds Within In our original emotional engagement cycle, I'll frame it that way.

It stands to reason to me, now, to hear how that connection ties into those memories, a lot of ways. And it also illustrates to me that connection with that cycle of rumination, that we often from a certain perspective label overthinking. Yeah. Well, we have long-term memories and objective. And because our perception is an objective white. Nothing that we perceive is actually based on what's that? Actually out there in the world, everything that we perceive is based on our long-term memory and what is actually good for us.

So when I'm talking to you, my voice box causes a wave in here, which travels through the air, and if we're in the same room at the microphones and everything, complicate things, but if you're in the same room that why you were there, of course, would then move your eardrum, which would move little bones in your inside your ear, which would move another little eardrum, which may be popular, which it Little hairstyle with you push up against him Panic membrane, which would cause activity, which would go into your brain, and then your brain creates an illusion that you've heard a noise.

But you didn't actually hear a noise because all my voice box, he was caused a wave in the air, because there's no noise out there in the world and all that perception is like that. There's no color in the world or you're receiving these different wavelengths of light that are reflecting off different services but there's no colors out there. So all of the perceptions that we have are all created by our Memory in our brains. And so they're not actually based vertically on what's actually out there in the world.

But rather, what we think is out there, what our brains think are out there based on our long-term memory. And we now know that about 90% of our perception that we actually see is just based on their long-term memory. Not, it's not even what we can say about that. It's not actually the input from our bear but rather what we remember should be actually out there and so therefore we create that. And then of course we layer on top of that, a huge amount of Formation based on all of our experiences, we did our study many years ago because this whole area of research.

It's always looked at facial expressions and argued that we have these 6 different, facial expressions, which are the six basic emotions that we all perceive. And we all perceive those facial expressions, exactly the same and it's automatic. And I did a lot of research in that area showing that we perceive them without actually knowing that we actually see them and it's all done by of subcortical route. What am I getting at? He will that was could be completely true. Because when I saw certain politicians smiling, I actually had an automatic reaction of over very negative response.

Rather than a positive response, you know, because I thought that way that was smoking and no up to no good. So we actually studied that and we talked a whole bunch of different actors and we told the participants who are in the study that this group of people were really nasty people and really evil and had a little bit. It's about their lives and how evil my way and all these guys are really nice people and blah blah blah. And then we actually scan them and scan these people while they were looking at different photos.

Have been different people either, really nasty, people are really good people. Now, when they were looking at the good people and they smiled, they got the normal brain responses over was smiling and when they were angry, they got the normal brain responses though, they were angered, but when they look into the people who they knew really nasty people and done awful things in their past, When they were angry look like, they were angry, their brain responded. But when they smiled, it looked their brain responded as though they were angry.

And their physiological response was as though, angry. So there are actually perceiving and their brain was perceiving. These individuals has been angry even though they were smiling which we write against all the previous research that we'd actually done in that area and actually showed that knowing who will person is and knowing stuff about them changes what you know about them of course in Ten memories, but also changes the way you perceive them. Now, the really interesting thing that came out of the hole that was it.

Then when we asked participants, how did you remember who was in which group? I said I was really easy because you put all the really attractive people in the nice group and you put all the really ugly people in the really mean group in there really nasty group, but we actually randomize the pictures between each participant. So it's participant got different people in age group. So there was no systemic reason to think that. The nasty people work unattractive, but every participant perceived the nasty people has been unattractive.

So you even see people and there's been lots of research since then showing that. So if you don't like someone, you actually see them as less attractive than if you actually like someone and you'll actually hear what they say differently, which is why we have so many issues in society now. Because if you don't like a particular person or a particular politician, you'll hear what they say differently to someone who actually, Does like that particular personal that particular politician, which is why it's so important you'd actually make connections with people before you actually try and convince them, whatever it is, you want to convince them all.

So we don't learn, you can learn from someone that you're not actually connected with people, which is why I work a lot with teachers and in schools because in schools and with teachers, but I think we now have forgotten the fact that teachers actually need to connect with the students first before they can actually teach because we now know that students don't actually listen to it teacher unless they first connect with them first, which is why teachers are you like you learn from and you're like I really like that subject and teacher that you don't like you think you're not very good at that subject because you don't learn from them because you're not actually connected.

So that it's really important to realize that our whole perception of the world is just based on our own experiences. Not based on what's actually out there and our experiences change. What? We know we even do now. That you perceive different colors even though you had your receiving exactly the same spatial frequency of light, use perceive the colors differently, depending on what language you speak because some language have more colors. Not more descriptive words for the colors than other languages.

So you perceive colors differently in the world, depending on what language you're learning here. And in that regard, I'm thinking here back a little bit too early in our conversation so far, we're processing. These, are we not from both implicit and explicit? It memories at the same time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So both of those are impacting that. But yeah, the explicit stops of stuff that we think we have control over. But it's been impacted by the always implicit stuff, right? These subjects that we looked at and when we taught them that these people were good and these people were evil, they thought they were just memorizing, that they'll good and evil, but they are also have an emotional responses because we made them really evil road with, these were pedophiles, and then done really horrendous things.

And so they'll have an emotional response. Responses to these really evil people and that emotional responses and all those extra implicit stuff that they didn't realize they were attached into these people. Then later impacted on the way, they actually perceive them and whether they thought they were attractive and how they perceive their facial expressions. When they were smiling until If seeing is believing, why is it we tend to rely heavily on the first piece of information? We receive when exerting judgments or making decisions the anchoring bias is a cognitive bias.

The causes us to rely too heavily on the first piece of information were often given about a person idea or topic up. Next, we'll discover how this common thinking, error influences us throughout life and why we do it. When we return, Turn to the light inside.

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Help shift your mindset with ease and flow. Their functional gum and mints are shortcuts to the ideal State of Mind. Try neuro gum and mints by visiting. Get neuro.com today. We've all heard the saying seeing is believing yet the way things are presented to us. Again, affects not only what we see but how we feel about this experience. Whenever we're presented with information where influenced by the way it's presented a psychological phenomena known as the framing effect when we're presented with options.

Why does it affect our decisions the framing effect is due to the way our brains process information faces are among the most informative. Stimuli we perceive even a split second, glimpse of a person's face tells us their identity sex mood age race and even direction of Ian yet much of what makes us who we are that unique person inside is missing from these brief glimpses, as we encounter each other as a result, we often fill in this missing data or information, usually, in accurately, and with ill effect, face processing is acknowledged in the artificial Vision Community, where facial recognition, algorithms are contestable.

This means that when we're literally faced with two choices, we may be more likely to choose the one that is Here's more beneficial. Regardless of the actual outcomes of this Choice typically options are framed so that the gain or loss associated with them is highlighted. We are susceptible to this sort of framing because in accordance with the prospect theory we tend to avoid certain losses. The loss is perceived as more significant and therefore more worthy of avoiding than an equal gain. The way something is framed, can influence our certainty that it will bring either gain or loss.

This is why we find it attractive when the positive features of an option are highlighted, instead of the negative ones, Mark and mini regards, those perspectives are two separate ideas that are automatically somewhat conflicting at times. You know, that Devil's Advocate, we often talk about or that devil on our shoulder, which shoulder or which wolf, you know, that idea of two wolves, which wolf are we listening to comes to me? Yeah, we tried to get will weigh 12, the we fighting Yeah, and it all depends on how you're actually feeling if you are stressed, if you're tired, if you've had a bad day the night before you, you're going to react in different ways than issue actually in a good mood and you're happy.

And so it's also going to impact on the way you perceive the world depending on how you actually feeling and what has happened to you in the last 24 hours, 48 hours, or whatever it happens to be. So all those things are also going to impact on the perceptions that you have and the the way you actually see the world, and we all know me, I'm sure everybody listens had that experience, where, you know, you have a bad sleep that night and nothing works during the duck, right? And of course, everything's working the same as it did the day before.

It's just, you know, you had it bad sleep the night before you had a fight with your partner or, you know, you had the kids were playing up or whatever, which put you in a bad mood which meant then you, perceived everything is going bad even though it would have been exactly the same as it was the day. So from that perspective, you mentioned previously how that kind of shapes and informs our ability to open and Trust others, especially your how we form our ability to open and Trust ourselves. Could you share a little bit more in that regard?

Why, and how we start to form some of those values and opinions? Yes, there's lots of aspects to we can talk about it. So one of them is so we have a face template the way we Range of actually evolved so that we can actually connect with people. So we are the social. We're now, I my my book that's about to come out. It's called the connected species because we are the connected species and we have a large Brain because we are connected and we are so connected and we're the only species in the world that actually connects across groups.

So, you know, you've got bees. For example, have an amazing big hives and they have amazing, they are everybody's doing different jobs and they all work together. On everything to keep the hive together, but one Hive, never interacts with another high. One, I won't go over some really cool flowers over there. You guys should go and and Source some pollen from there, or they won't say, hey you guys are running out of honey. We'll give you some honey and then you can give us something back or whatever we do.

We're the only species that actually does that, and does it across groups? But because of that, we've evolved this amazing system to actually communicate with each other. And one of the ways we communicate with each other, and one of the important Aspects of being in large group since he's recognizing who individuals, are we do that by the face? And we've got this amazing mechanism in our base template. That recognizes thousands and thousands of individuals and we recognize them across time. So, you know, I can recognize people that I met during childhood even though they've changed their hair and Perry's for one out like myself and all those things.

But you can still recognize those individuals because of his face template, and we can also recognize who's in the same. Family by this face template. And the way the template works is, it's an average of all the faces you've seen, which means that it's actually biased towards people who you see a lot. And people, you don't see a lot of further away from it, which is why we are able to recognize most people are able to recognize people of their own race better than they are, people of other races.

And we're actually able to recognize and remember people of their own based better than we are of other people, but that's only if The most majority of people that you see, are people of your own race. So that also means because this face template is actually a warning system, as well of people who aren't within your group because people within your group, you see a lot of anyone who deviates a long way from that face template. You will have a negative reaction towards and so your fight or flight response will be activated.

So you'll get quick, your heart rate will go up, blood will be pumped to your muscles, your eyes will dilate and so on. So that you're in a I do fly response to anyone who's outside of that template. So if you got a really wide template then you actually won't have that response. If you've got a really narrow template, then you're more likely, they have that response, which is why we find that the most racist countries in the world are ones that are very homogeneous. So, according to the UN the most racist country in the world is actually Japan because most people in Japan a Japanese and everything.

They see on the media is Japanese faces. So their templates really narrow so they have this fight or My response to everybody who's not Japanese basically whereas more homogeneous societies, we know don't have that same response. So yeah, we have these implicit, I mean, that's completely implicit, none of us realize that that's actually going on and that we can actually change that based on just who we actually see on a regular basis. But again, it's that that's one of those implicit things that just happens to us without actually, knowing about it and we do it automatically.

And then, of course, we have the stereotypes that we learn, which is more the explicit stuff. We actually learned that you know it was yeah Mi are braver than I thought and I bet I'm not going to come up with someone and they're all pretty.

But yeah we know all these stereotypes. These are stereotypes that we learnt. They're actually not real. But we've learned those and we've layered those also on to our perception of people and how will interact with people when we actually meet them. So those are, those are two examples of your implicit persons, you're explicitly based It on our Evolution. That's an interesting point for me to make curry latian with a recent research study that I read. I can't remember the name of the neuroscientist, but on cortical columns, I'll spit it out today.

We're essentially our brain is just taking a mental snapshot Time After Time After Time of our environment of our interactions and recording that in our cerebrum. Yeah. So we do have these oscillations. We know that we've got an oscillation of our attention. So we don't see the world as this continual movie that we think we see that's their brain. Again, cowlick, creating this illusion that we're seeing the world as a constant movie, It's Going On. We're actually seeing things in these snapshots in these oscillations that are constantly on and off on and off on and off on and off.

And a good example of that, of course, is your eyes because your eyes are moving around all the time. And if you did see things continuously, then each time your eyes move, everything would blur, right? Because your eyes are moving. So yeah, the world traveler. And it doesn't, it shuts down and then starts again, and then shuts down and start again and shuts down and start again. So there's lots and lots of periods where were actually not perceiving anything at all. But our brain is creating this illusion that we have this constant perception of the world, but we don't.

And most of what we perceive is actually based on a long-term memory based on all these Heuristics and learnings that we've cared and and automatic stuff that's going on based on our learning me that makes an interesting point to kind of observe how that forms the importance of maintaining eye contact in our connection and conversation. How that keeps us in the present moment with that interaction versus slipping back into that past. Yeah, there's nothing more annoying. I mean, that's one of the reasons why it's difficult to communicate well on On because usually, we'll do it with a few people in a meeting and you'll have four or five people or more all looking, it's not actually the proper eye gaze.

There's when you normally in a group of say, four or five people, everyone will look at the speaker and the speaker will be looking. Now, everybody else, which is a normal way to do it, but when you're online, everybody's looking at everybody which is really impossible to do and our brains get really confused by that because it doesn't make any sense. Sense, and we get really frustrated by or the person will have the camera somewhere else to where their screen is. And so, they'll be looking away from the camera.

And so also to our brain, our brain automatically says, if the person is not looking at me and I'm talking, then they're not listening to me, because that's how we know. And we know that again, implicitly because I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but leaving babies, very young kids, if you're not actually listening to know if you're not looking at Grab your face and move your face. And I yeah, look at that because I want to get your attention. I mean babies know that if you're looking at them then you're attending to them.

And you're actually paying attention to what they're saying. If you're not looking at them, then you're not paying attention and you're not listening, we do that even Place, Italy, automatically. And so when we're online and we're doing these things, we get really frustrated and we don't realize we're getting frustrated but we do get rarest rated by the fact that it's not what it should be a hit. Yeah, it's a really interesting point to note, as I observe my own granddaughter. She has that tendency, she's very engaged and very inquisitive, intial, and grab your face and just study and you could tell that she's making that connection.

Hmm, such an important connection to my touching it going, come in action, and it's really bizarre, because we now have a new disorder out there in the world. Amongst young kids. Toddlers called the still face effect where they hid their faces are still. They don't show. Facial expressions and they don't look at people and we think that's because the carers are using mobile phones and are on screams all the time. So they're not actually teaching the kids, implicitly how to actually communicate in that way.

So they don't actually learn how to do it. So just as an aside is quite a few studies now coming out showing the kids now. Yeah, don't use facial expressions in the right way and don't use eye gaze in the right way because they haven't learned it as a toddler because their carers aren't showing them how to do it because Was there on the, on the devices or time? This is scary. My family back to this weak interaction. With a tween nephew of mine. You know, is got the cellphone and we're all trying to engage him.

It's put the phone down. We'd like to actually connect with you. We're imprinting and ingraining those patterns. So, that's interesting to Mark and look out. Yeah, it is, it's a little scary aspect of the whole smartphone thing because it smartphones are amazing. I mean, it's amazing to have this you know computer. In a pocket that we would have never dreamt of 20, 25 years ago, but unfortunately, yeah, we're using it in a way, which is actually detrimental to what we actually need, which is we need to be able to communicate with each other.

I mean, if you look at all 21st century skills, the most important ones are emotional intelligence, communication ability, empathy ability to lead, others ability to communicate the ability to innovate and collaborate and to learn that by actually looking at someone and spending time with people, I actually talking to people and interacting with people not on devices and sadly. I think a lot of kids, these days they are on the devices too much and not learning. Those really important skills that they're going to need.

When they see get out there in the workforce jumping back, perhaps a little bit Mark. Let's look at our environments in the influence that that has on our learning. What role can our social environments play in that regard informing how we frame these perspectives? Yeah. It's It's 100%, it's everything really? We learn from other people. I mean again, that's another amazing thing about us as humans is, so most animals will demonstrate to the younger ones, within the group, how to do things. So they'll go out hunting and they'll follow them and they'll see what they're actually doing.

And so, they'll be mimicked what they're doing because of the mirror neuron system. We do that as well, but we also think about it and we actually go hang on. We can actually tell this person how to do this. We can actually add extra information. Formation to the learning. And we can do that through verbal communication and true demonstrating and so on. And so, that's really crucial. And humans can learn really quickly, but because of that, we've also got a, what, would you call it a lock on it?

So you can only learn from someone that you think is part of your in group, or common term for it is a try, but it's not really a tribe. It's a two part of your in-group and so people who are part of your in group you'll learn I'm really easily really really easily but someone who's not part of your in group, you won't actually learn from and you actually won't actually listened to in the same way you actually hear what they say differently. So if we going to learn for people we actually need to learn for people who are a part of our in group and you've got to actually connect with the person first, which is, you know, I mean, it's easy to connect with someone, if you actually take the time to do that, but then everything, that we do in the future is actually based on what we learn, right?

Because we don't have Have free will can't can't really occur because of the fact that none of our decisions are made in isolation. So all of our decisions are made based on a prior experience, its you never randomly make a decision. You always make a decision based on your past experiences. And so every decision we make is based on what we've already learned and so it's so crucial that we learn the right things and not the wrong things, which, which is why we need to surround ourselves and we why we need our Greg to be positive and have positive people within that because then we're going to learn the right things and therefore make the right decisions in the future, which is wonderful because it means that we can actually influence people, right?

If we actually didn't, if we met random decisions, then we couldn't actually influence people. But because of the fact that we are social animals, we do influence each other because of the fact that we always make decisions based on our prior experiences, in that regard, I feel like A lot of times, we might learn a pattern of limited perspective on how we actually learn itself, aren't there many different categorizations of types of learning. So in the brine, what we do, how we learn, he's really old the sign, the different categorizations come from more.

It's more of a pedagogical approach to learning. So, yeah, how our schools and How to how we compartmentalize it but when you actually look at the brain are so the brain does it the same every time and that's through experience, right? That's just through actually having a connection with someone and therefore learning it, and hypothesis testing. So we actually learn constantly through others testing because we as humans are extremely curious animals. I mean, this whole is a lot of nonsense out there about the fact that we lose curiosity as we get older and all those sorts of things, which is complete nonsense.

Because we'd actually be Dead. If we did, we are really curious animals which is why All These reality TV shows are so popular, right? Because people are just so curious about what's happening in someone else's bedroom or in someone else's house or whatever. That's why we like watching those things because they keep changing and we're curious about what's going on over there. So from a learning point of view, what we do is we constantly making hypotheses about what's actually going on there. We're all really just scientist.

So when a baby learns safe, Example, when baby, first sees a dog and the babies carer will turn around and go. Oh, that thing there. They'll look at it, which the baby will automatically know that they're talking about that thing because they're looking at that thing. I'll say, dog, the baby's brain will automatically go. Okay? That's the item dog. And that's its name, or there's a whole category of those things out there that are called dogs and I'm going to see some more in the future. And then when the carrier, then turns around and sees another dog and says Ah dog Ugh.

The baby's brain automatically, then goes. Oh, it can't be an item. That can't be have been that one's name because it's that one's name as well. So therefore, there must be a whole category of these things. And therefore, I'm going to see lots more of these out there in the world which are all dogs. Now that's to trial learning which is astounding that anybody able to do that. So a computer with there's lots of talk about artificial intelligence moment which is actually just learning algorithms, which we've had for a long time and those In algorithms will take thousands of Trials to to exactly the same thing.

Our brains can do it in two trials, they're toddlers. Brain can do it in two trials. Yeah, learning algorithms such as chat, Jeopardy, or whatever. Will take thousands of Trials to do exactly. The same thing which is astounding, right there were actually able to do that and we do that through social learn and all of the learning we do is really true. Social learning is there's a desire to learn something and then we go and learn it and we Which is why YouTube videos and all these are so popular, right.

Because you actually get on YouTube and you see someone teaching you how to do something, and that's how we learn really well, these through this social interaction and then making the hypotheses and then ruling out the wrong hypotheses through trial and error, you'll have to me. Brings to mind what I've learned through my sociology and group dynamic study that raw of parochial empathy, or our ability, to feel that empathy and compassion for in group members, Well, we also are somewhat rejecting.

As you mentioned, those out group dynamics. Yeah, the Germans, the Germans are always a great group that talk about because the Germans actually have a 94, they have times schadenfreude means. Yeah, you actually liked somebody from your acrobatic sleeping her, right? And he said you actually enjoyed being somebody from. Yeah, but grouping and the, yeah, there's been lots of studies. Now on the brain actually showing that if What is part of your out-group? You actually get pleasure from seeing them whereas yeah this is even very empathetic people very emotionally aware people will even like saying somebody from our group getting hurt and they don't like seeing somebody from there.

I get group getting her but it's an automatic reaction to that if you know what I mean. I feel guilty for putting, but they still do it. We've explored that a good deal at a past episode looking at Very popular dynamic in your area down under known as tall. Poppy syndrome, no idea where the opposite of that is rather than showing that empathy. We do the complete opposite and start to cut down and find fault in others. Garrett, empezar thing that happens. He I loved working in the US because you don't have the tall poppy syndrome you have quite the opposite where you know it's quite okay to be very successful.

Whereas here in Australia we do have the tall Poppy Syndrome which we think is actually come because the people who moved here originally were convicts, and of course convicts weren't supposed to be successful and so we have. Yeah, we have a very great dislike towards anybody who talks about the fact that unwell, which it doesn't happen over, you know, in other countries, anywhere near as much as it does here, which is very bizarre. Do you feel from a certain perspective in? This is kind of picking apart things at the scene.

Within the Americanized culture, that might become a little more covert or a little bit more guarded and how we present it. Possibly, I think there's also there's a big difference between Australia and the US, I found what I found when I because I've lived in both countries in the US which I really like about the u.s. is, it's okay to fail. So here in Australia, if you have a business spring example and you go bankrupt, then you won't get another loan. I never liked your new engine screwed, right?

That's just the end of it. Whereas in the u.s. going bankrupt, it's almost a rite of passage for a lot of entrepreneur nerds. And they'll do it several times and be quite successful eventually because they'll do it. Never go on then not and I really like that about the us because making mistakes like that I think is really important and you're not going to be really Innovative and creative unless you're willing to make mistakes whereas hearing Australia, there's much more of an emphasis on getting it right?

The first time which I find it yet. Not that willingness that to make mistakes, which I think are really important or is that when we need to teach people to make more mistakes, that's why we really learn. And the way we become inhibiting cray Google and things like that and yeah it happened in the u.s. because of the fact that they're willing to do things outside the normal and they're willing to give things to go and all those things which yeah unfortunately here doesn't happen as much. Might that be interrelated with what you often term as our neuroma.

Myths and snart's. Let's maybe segue toward that in our conversation. If you mention how it's important to frame, how we execute our meaning-making perspective context, what are some of these more popular neuro myths that can misguide or misdirect our brain. Yes, a space of pure. And what one of them, of course, is a multitasking one, which drives me crazy that we can multitask. And I multitask and sell working memories on the capable of only has supplied to Seven slots. And so we're only able to concentrate on one thing at a time.

And so, therefore, we have a whole bunch of stuff that's going on automatically. So hopefully, because I'm talking you'll be listening to me, and you won't be able to do anything else. And if you tried to say, you know, do a mathematical calculation while I was talking, you wouldn't be able to hear me and we know that anybody who has kids knows that, you know, if they're reading a book so you can you start Talking to me. They don't you write, they don't actually have any comprehension of what you're doing.

So yeah, that's one that really frustrates me because a lot of people I work with a lot with students, just get in and to realize that if they want to do less time, I spend less time doing homework and get the same marks. It's really easy to do that. They've just got to concentrate just on the homework and get rid of everything else and then they can just concentrate on the homework, but I save a lot of time and I'll actually get that done and they'll get better marks because that's tough. Get Consolidated in that Brian's a lot better.

So they'll be able to recall it better when they're actually doing their exams and then they can go and do everything else they want to do such as you know look at YouTube or hanging out with your friends or go for a surf or whatever. But they've got to just you know, get rid of all the distractions and just focus on one thing. So that's that's one of the newer armies that I frustrates me in a lot. And other one is that male and female brains are different. I don't want frustrates the bejeebies out of me all the meta analysis.

It's out. There is shown that male and female brains are identical. There is no difference between the two, same amount of variance and saying, yeah, exactly the same. There is no difference between male and female brains. I think it started with the whole Men Are from Mars and women are from Venus, but I mean, that was somebody's open to make a lot of money. Yeah, social condition that we're different. Our behaviors are different, but our behaviors are different because of the way we were brought up so because before a woman has a baby Is I know what six the babies, even the doctors treat the woman differently, if they having a male baby versus a female baby and you're treated differently from that stage onwards.

And as we talked about before, all of your behaviors and all of your long-term memory is based on your experiences, and if your experiences are different and you're treating one group one way, and another group another way, then they're going to them behave differently because of that. And that's why males and females behave differently, not because of any difference in their actual brains because all The scans show that they're actually identical and with there's no difference between males and females, as far as the brain is concerned and therefore, if her treated the same, but actually developed the same and modak the same later on in life.

So yeah, that's another one, that sort of frustrates me a bit. I often mention in reinforce that belief think. Before you act, you know, in many regards were acting from that pattern condition or habit of thought normal, go to kind of automatic Why is this such an empowering statement as we consider how we frame our perspectives, think before you act, let's reinforce that. Yeah, no, that's a good one. So because of the fact that how we've evolved their brains have evolved to the last 100 million years environment, which was very potentially dangerous and potentially dangerous, most of the time.

And so we have a brain that constantly looking out for danger and constantly. We a fear of what's actually going to happen. So it's constantly monitor in the world for any danger out there in the world. And so, therefore, all of our automatic responses are geared towards safety gear towards what's safe and tearful. And so you need to think first before you act, because a lot of the time, your brain will be telling you that there could be something potentially dangerous there. And if you don't think, hang on is a dangerous Oreo.

Am I okay? Then it will. Send you in the wrong direction and I'm in our emotions aren't. There is something that we should respond to. It immediately emotions are warning that there's potential of something that we need to be aware of. And so, we need to stop and actually, think about what is our brain trying to tell us? Why is it telling us a particular thing? I mean, a perfect example is face perception, which we talked about before. So, when you see a face which is outside your template, your A body your brain and therefore your body will respond as though that there's something dangerous there and you'll automatically get the faster heart rate.

You'll automatically get the fight or flight response going on. Now, of course, if you acted immediately on that then you know you're going to do something which is inappropriate in this day and age where we're all much safer than we were before and similarly if someone came towards you and look like someone that you don't like again you'll get that fight or flight response. Off and I fight or flight response is telling you this person looks like someone that you don't like but it's possibly not that person.

And so you've got to First respond to you first. Got to go, hang on. Why am I having this response? And then say okay it's only because of this you know because he looks like someone who did me wrong 20 years ago or they've got, you know, it tattoos and I've learned that tattoos are our own people who are more dangerous or whatever it happens to be. So yeah that's why we need to think before we act because our brains are constantly trying to warn us that there could be danger because that's the environment people in my work.

I've often noticed how that role of the availability heuristic interacts in particular, you know it creates adverse in healthy influences. A lot of times. What role does that availability? Play either information or in the data, we have present Informing our perspective. Yeah, it's important always I think one of the biggest problems with Society at the moment is as we're all too busy, is it? So we're constantly busy and so therefore, we're not giving ourselves and everyone else time and it's ironic because we are busier now than we've ever been in the past year, we're less productive than we've ever been.

So we will most productive actually in that in the 70s and 80s and going to the 90s and then productivities dropped off in the last 20 years or so. Usually, in all organizations, which is crazy yet, we're all feeling busier than we ever have been. I think a lot of that has to do with this. This problem that we're not giving our brains time to do what they actually need to do. So what we need to do is at least slow down. I always when I talk to especially leaders about communication and a lot of companies want me to come and talk about communication.

And the first thing I say, is you have When you actually ask a question, you don't have to stop and listen to the answer. And if you're then asking another question as soon as the person finishes answering your question, then you didn't listen to the answer because what you were doing you as you were thinking about the next question, right? You need a gap in between and Society doesn't like those gaps doesn't like to give people the opportunity to think anymore and I think that's a real problem with Society.

At the moment, is we need to give people a Active giving moments of Silence in between discussion. So when we, we need to give people that Gap but which shows respect. So, when you're talking to someone, when they speak to you, then you should stop. If, you know, 30 seconds, it feels like a lifetime when you first start doing it, but give 30 seconds because that actually tells the person this person thinking about what I just said which shows them respect and they actually like that but it also gives you an opportunity to think About what they've just said and then respond to what they've actually said rather than coming up because most of us spend, most of the time, somebody's talking to you, thinking about how you're going to respond to them rather than thinking about what they're actually trying to tell you.

And so, we miss out on actually understanding what each of us is trying to say to each other. Because we're constantly thinking about how we're going to respond to them in a way that we've already decided is what they're going to want to hear. Does that make sense? I find myself and I try to practice that pause. Now doing that very regularly especially during our interviews on the podcast in that regard. As I pause and ponder, it brings to mind me. The idea of selective reinforcement, an idea which as we were speaking.

I projected forward into which barely selective reinforcement. Is finding those things that you already want to create that value from in some regard. Yes, sir. It's I think it's different when you're on Sia podcast and you've already decided what you want to cover in the podcast. For example, I think it podcast Isn't that natural sort of I'm not many whipping whipping a natural. It's it's not unless frame it that are framing context. Matters. Today it's 82. Yes. I typically very good way this week.

Yeah. Okay so it's an atypical way of actually communicating because we're really trying to communicate to inform the listeners rather than actually to inform each other and so we're actually trying to do that and so we probably know What we're both going to say before we sign it. Anyway, most of the time and I think when you know you're asking questions, you would have a good idea about how I'm going to frame it and so therefore, you know, so therefore you don't need those gaps as much in that sort of environment.

As you do when, you know, your say a business leader and you've got one of your employees in. You're talking to them about why they're not being very productive at the moment and how their mental health is going. And you know what? Wow Your relationships with other people in the workforce is going and so on or if you're talking to your son or daughter about how school is and why they're not getting along with a particular person or whatever. So I think the normal dose important discussions that we have at home.

And those important discussions that we have at work require us to slow down when they have those gaps where as I think there's other situations such as a podcast where you probably don't need those gaps in between. So yeah, there is a little bit of a They're in in the situation and you have your typical and you're a typical conversation today. And with those with most of our conversations, I think we need those gaps. We need more of those caps, but there are situations, where, of course, you want to be of a flow going on.

And so, therefore you've known me, you're not going to have those gaps, Sofia.

You asked so sure. Receive. There's that pause in that regard. Let's look at that notion or this kind of burgeoning idea of active listening and holding space for others where we create that Gap. And we're not constantly trying to jump forward, what are some tips or insights? We might share about first creating that space and then being at our Optimum, then to more actively in, In conscientiously responding. Yeah, it's a beautiful question. The first thing I think we need to do is before you respond.

I think you knew wanna first think what does that person? Actually you want to hear, right? Rather than what do I want to tell them? It's actually, what are they want to hear? Because people talk to us because they want answers, right? They want it. They want to hear something in particular and often we're talking to them because we want to use something in particular. And so you need to sort of stop and say, hang on, what are they want to hear rather than what am I trying to tell them? Because often we go into these things and especially with kids, we go into the situation with.

This is what I need to teach this style because it's child's. Only saw this child, not doing the right thing or whatever, it's about, but even as a leading, you go into it, thinking I've got to get this person to be more productive of. I've got to get this bad rather than going into it to actually listen to what. They want, which means that at the end of their piece, whatever they have said, you've got to give that little Gap. Well, you don't have to give the Gap, but if you think to yourself what do they actually want, how do they want me to respond, then that makes you stop for long enough that you actually give that Gap and you stop for long enough to actually show them the respect right.

Show them that you actually knew are considering it and you're waiting for that thing to move on. I don't know if you want little tricks, I always have a glass of And I will often take a sip of water before I respond because that, you know, just automatically makes me slow down. Which is a good way to just make yourself, do that. And it's also good because you drink a lot more water that paint you as well. Absolutely. But yeah, doing that is really important, but I'll give you another trick which I'm sure, you know, but if you're face-to-face with someone and most important thing to do is to touch them first, Because if you touch, someone humans have what we call C fibers on their skin and we are in all societies.

We have some way of actually greeting people where, which involves touch. So, in stoic societies, like here and opening. Us course, we shake hands. And of course, in Europe, they'll kiss each other on the cheeks, but even the Inuits, because everything's covered will rub noses because only bit of skin that's actually showing and on our hairy skin, which is on our part, but which is on the back of our hands. So, You shake hands, you touch that or on your nose and your face and so on there's C fibers which activate an area of our brain which releases oxytocin and oxytocin actually makes us more open to actually make a connection with the person and we're more willing to actually trust the person so just giving someone a hit of oxytocin by getting the snort, oxytocin will make them more trusting and whoever they're actually talking to at that point in time more likely to give the money if you're actually looking for money.

While it cooks for someone to invest. Yes. So actually just just shaking hands when you actually first meet someone will make them more connected to you. Make them more open and make more willing to actually have an open conversation, feel connected to you because of the oxytocin is released in their brain, making them more connected to you. So it's a good way to start before you do anything else. But then during the conversation, if you can touch the elbow or does the arm or whatever? Well actually keep that oxytocin going and keep the conversation going and keep them more aware.

What? More open to making the connection keeping that connection going in that regard. Might it also be significant then how we feel in that connection. Yeah, absolutely. So making a connection with someone who's in a really bad mood is it's virtually impossible to do, right? You got to calm them down first before you can actually make that connection. So if they're grumpy, if they're in a bad mood, then yet that's going to be really difficult. Although I work with schools, where I go in and talk to the students, about their emotions, and how to control their emotions and will not how to control emotions.

But how do I understand their emotions, how to react to their motions to be aware and to slow down? But also how to talk to other people. And I always talk about the fact that, you know, we do little role plays and stuff and it's you know, this person who sent you a mean tweet and told you do that over there and you want to talk to them, you know. So you're coming to the room and they always walk. Grumpy and stomping ended up and I'm like, do you know what happens when you do that? And it's like, well that's how I feel.

It's like, yeah but that's also, you're transferring that to them because emotions are contagious, right? Because of our mirror system and a mirror neurons within our brain. When you see someone looking aggressive, you become aggressive too, because of the fact you mirror, what they're actually doing. So you start off this discussion where you'll want to talk to them about something. In a really negative place because they're going to get aggressive to so always walking smiling and relax when you want to have a serious conversation with someone which most people don't do because they're having a serious conversation though walking with the serious face on and they walk in with their you know this is where here I mean business walk and sit in a way which is more aggressive because they mean business.

Whereas what you want to do is to relax have a smile and do these things because that will mimic in them and I feel more relaxed and I'll have serotonin. So on released in the brain, which will make them feel more relaxed and more likely to actually interact with you. So, yeah, absolutely emotions. 100%, which is where we started. Emotions will 100% affect how you can connect with someone, how you can communicate with them, and how you can therefore influence, what they're actually thinking and doing.

And in that regard, that all influences how we feel, think it'll respond at our core. We all want to feel to National things as human beings to feel loved and to feel like we belong, Mark, I love that. We have this conversation today and I really, truly want to welcome you as part of our community here at the light inside. Thank you. Thank you so much for creating meaning for us today. I truly truly. Appreciate you. Thank you very much, Chef. It's been really, really, really fun and I hope people learn something.

And if not, I hope they just Enjoy themselves because I definitely did was a great conversation. Thank you, Mark, where can our listeners go to find out more about you and your programs of study? Yeah, Dad, he's potty stop dr. Mark Williams.com such, they are my queens.com or my programs are on land. Links to my research, I linked to my new book that's coming out for the connected spacing, so it's all on that one page which makes it nice and easy. Such a great resource and I'm Overjoyed with making the connection to this website and starting to dive into some of that information.

Mark thank you so much for sharing that with us and thank you for being the beautiful loving and kind glowing human being that you are. Thank you very much for active. To think before we act never, perhaps has there been a truer Axiom than this to pause linger and Ponder. Allowing our natural emotional responses to subside then consider with conscientiousness openness vulnerability and ultimately Clarity our influence is can easily shape and mold these perspectives. So therefore, when we allow this space to pause and linger, we envision even greater possibilities throughout our lives.

If you found this episode meaningful, please share it with a friend or loved one, our crew here at the light inside, we'll take a short break from our production schedule. Next week to pause and reflect on the freedoms, we cherish and honor, those who gave their lives so that we may continue to enjoy these. Freedoms will also be taking some time to recharge our batteries and refuel our content vehicle so we can continue creating thoughtful. High-impact messaging for you will rejoin you the second week of July and as always we're Grateful for you.

Our valued listening Community. This has been the light inside. I'm Jeffrey biesecker. Grateful for you. Our valued listening Community. This has been the light inside. I'm Jeffrey biesecker.

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