S4E155

June 23, 2023 •1:09:10

Ten Feet Tall and Bullet-Proof : How unhealthy confidence often leads us to ineffectively self-assess

0:00 / 1:09:10

The Story

Jeffrey and Constantin discuss a range of topics related to personal growth and self-assessment. They explore the complexities of emotional regulation and the impact of social programming on our biases. They also delve into the societal and cultural factors that contribute to the over-evaluation and over-inflation of performance and the struggle with self-assessment and confidence. The conversation highlights the importance of awareness and the need to step away from our emotions to gain a more objective perspective.

The discussion also touches on the five-factor model of personality and how it can be used to understand ourselves and others. Jeffrey and Constantin emphasize the importance of self-awareness and introspection in removing unconscious filters, such as emotional and ego lenses, that can influence our perception and behavior. They also explore the patterns of unhealthy confidence and biases that hinder our ability to self-assess and the importance of becoming aware of these biases and behaviors in order to improve our ability to self-assess.

Jeffrey and Constantin engage in a philosophical discussion on personal growth and mindset, emphasizing the negative impact of shame, fear, and rumination on personal development and highlighting the importance of embracing a growth mindset. They also discuss the topic of insecurities and their impact on self-assessment, sharing personal stories and practical steps to overcome unhealthy confidence and improve self-assessment. The conversation stresses the importance of being open to trying new things and acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses in the process of personal growth.

Finally, Jeffrey and Constantin reflect on their conversation and provide feedback to each other. They discuss the importance of continuous learning and feedback in personal development, as well as the need to trust the flow of conversation and provide recaps to solidify the message for the audience. They also touch on the topic of somatic coherence and the challenges of conditioning belief, highlighting the importance of acknowledging emotional triggers and addressing procedural limitations. Overall, the meeting emphasizes the value of open communication and self-awareness in personal growth.

Highlights:

Discussion on Emotional Regulation
Self-Assessment and Social Norms
Unhealthy Confidence and Self-Assessment
Personality Models and Unconscious Filters
The Importance of Self-Comparison and Purpose
Patterns of Unhealthy Confidence and Biases in Self-Assessment
Over-Identification and Ego Filters
Overcoming Toxic Mindsets and Embracing Growth
Overcoming Insecurities and Improving Self-Assessment

Action Items:

Strive for personal growth and improvement based on our own goals and values, rather than comparing ourselves to others.
Reframe our mindset from putting someone on a pedestal to competing with ourselves.
Slow down and analyze our actions to understand what drives our sense of urgency.
Address biases and work towards a growth mindset that is not limited by them.
Practice emotional intelligence and develop a growth mindset
Dissect things together and come up with crucial ideas

Credits:

JOIN US ON INSTAGRAM: @thelightinsidepodcast

SUBSCRIBE: pod.link/thelightinside

Featured Guest: Constantin Morun

Credits: Music Score by Epidemic Sound

Executive Producer: Jeffrey Besecker

Mixing, Engineering, Production, and Mastering: Aloft Media Studio

Senior Program Director: Anna Getz

This is the light inside. I'm Jeffrey biesecker confidence

at times, it's something we each strive for, you know, that

feeling 10 feet tall and bulletproof healthy confidence

can prepare us for tasks improve our mental and physical health,

and Empower us to form beneficial perspectives.

That better prepare us for Success.

Well though it times, we overly inflate this perspective and in

the process, Us. We become Our Own Worst Enemy.

Why is it that our confidence is often disproportionate to the

difficulty of a task studies show that we often overestimate

our ability to overcome adversity and difficult.

Yes. Surprisingly, we are often

overconfident when estimating relatively simple tasks, this

phenomena is known as the hard easy effect.

It suggests that we incorrectly predict our ability to complete

tasks depending on their Of difficulty.

But why do we do it? And what behaviors in a personal

repertoire might lead us to be more susceptible to miss,

judging our self assessments today.

We look at how unhealthy confidence often leads us to

ineffectively self-assess. And why ingesting are

selectively filters allows us to form a more empowering and

beneficial, self-assessment, that ensures greater levels of

success. Our Guest today.

Constantine more on tells us how when we return to the line.

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With the myth mobile app. Throughout our day to day lives

were often faced with Challenge and adversity in the degree to

which we experience. This can vary greatly from

circumstance to circumstance. For example, imagine that you're

learning to drive for those of us who are of a certain age, we

can each reflect on the mixed bag of feelings that exists

within the small the uneasy nervousness that Services as a

ball or pit in our stomach. If only we had a magic Cape like

our favorite superheroes but as humans we don't we're left to

only rely on the natural ability and skills we developed over

time and find the benefit and learning to trust the

uncertainty of our healthy limitations.

Typically in order to get our license, we complete both a

written exam in a driving test. Arguably, the driving test is

the more difficult component of obtaining, a license because it

is based on skill and knowledge. Whereas the written exam is

mostly Based on knowledge. However, according to the hard

easy effect, we are likely to be over confident in our ability to

pass the driving test in under confident in How likely we are

to pass the written exam. And as a result, we barely

practice driving. Instead, focusing all of our

time on studying for the Written Task, when it comes to the day

of the exam, the heart easy effect may have made it easy for

us to pass the written exam it, since we're too confident about

our driving skills, we fail the driving test.

Just one simple explanation suggests, an answer might lie in

how we choose to form perspective with our outcome,

determined by how we frame things Our Guest today.

Constantine Moran has had ample opportunity to learn how

perspective can shape Our Lives. Adding to this make-or-break

effect, that we often utilize when assessing our strengths and

weaknesses during adverse and challenging times, born and

raised in Eastern Europe during the Communist Terror.

He moved to Canada at the age of seven. 18 to pursue the American

dream. Yes Canada gives a part of that

dream. Although this new beginning

offered him expanded opportunities for both growth

and life. It wasn't without sacrifice as

the host of the Unleashed thyself.

Podcast program Constantine is on a mission to unleash the true

potential within us. All by inspiring empowering

guiding and supporting individuals on their life

Journey. Constantine would like to

welcome you to the light inside today.

Thank you for joining us Jeffrey, such a pleasure to be

here, and thank you so much for inviting me and I can't wait to

spend this time with you and with the audience.

So glad to share your insights today.

We've done a lot of pre discussion conversation around

why we tend to a sometimes have a little over confidence in our

abilities and be more importantly, why we sometimes

struggle to self? Assess our abilities, our skills

or competencies, and even our sense of confidence with that in

mind and you'd like to start off today by looking at a recent

study by the National Bureau of economic research, a paper that

established a study group that assess their past performance.

On a recently taken tests, by doing this study, they were

having the study group male and female take a test.

And then estimate how well, they felt they Performed on that test

within the study women, consistently rated their

performance on the test lower than what they actually scored,

and Men rating their performance higher than what they tended to

do in their performance men. On average ranking themselves 61

percent of the time as higher than what they actually

performed at or their actual score and women giving

themselves 46% lower ranking than what their actual

performance. Once was in the same study, it

was established that women struggle, more with self-image,

yet men tend to inflate or compensate more socially as

human beings. And especially men, are we

sometimes expected to be the proverbial 10 feet tall, and

bulletproof, I'm going to allow that to kind of stand as our

framing. Question today, Constantine.

Are we sometimes leading ourselves to believe that we

have to be that kind of Equal 10 feet tall and bulletproof.

I was say yes, cheffy, I mean I've seen it in my life and I

like to look at myself first before I had fed through can

others. And absolutely the way I was

raised not necessarily by my parents only but Society,

grandparents everyone in my life.

It led me to this believe that I have to be and foot tall and

bulletproof, I can make mistakes.

If I make mistakes I can't show them off to the world.

Right? And all these things will factor

in because you're a boy. Or you can show, emotions.

You can cry, you pull your pants up, you gotta show up in the

world and do the best that you can do.

So you can provide for your family and for those around, you

find that interesting to observe.

How much of this might lean on that premise of social

conditioning conditioning, I'm struggling with my wording

today. I'm gonna go knowledge that my

skills are a little bit Rusty. Here, I'm gonna lean it, our man

expected to be more self. Actuated in many regards, In our

women, somewhat programmed historically to fall back or

take that more submissive role. You know, that's somewhat of a

rhetorical line of thinking yet, statistically I feel, we can see

where these social norms are reflected throughout Society.

I'd be curious to jump into today and hear your perspective,

or take on why you feel. This might be why it starts off

to me, based on the idea that our Igor mind is there to

protect us. So, If you look at societies, as

a matter with Society, we look at, it's all about how do we

instill rules and policies that will protect the source for will

make it such that we continue progressing, but still staying

the same. And I look at my culture, I was

born in Eastern Europe, then I'm off to North America when I was

17, and then in Canada, and, of course, in the USA, as well as

many other countries, you see so many cultures coming together,

but they all bring their ideas, their preconceptions their

norms. And any Washington Tara and you

realize the wait a second culture plays, such a huge role

in how we develop as human beings and in a lot of cultures,

of course, man and women are two differently.

Despite us being humans at the other day were treated

differently. And explain the different things

in life, which, of course, puts you in a tiny box and dictates a

bit of how your life should end up being.

And why does the case again, I think it comes down to maintain

the status quo. Maintaining a sort of Troll over

the outcomes potentially and making sure that if we don't

deviate from the norm, then it's less risk for us as a society,

perhaps, or even as an individual to put ourselves In

Harm's Way your friend that regard.

It's really interesting to me. Then to start looking at, where

do some of those social norms fall into place, where do some

of those cultural norms we learn within our in-groups and

out-groups, you know, we start to see some of that Dynamic at

play, Listen to Number of different podcast where it's

interesting to look at how, you know, emotionally.

We're taught and conditioned a lot of different things.

Grief was a great example to look at, you know, how we view

grief from society to society, from culture to culture in be a

very differing in nuanced experience, some cultures, have

this prolonged period of grief, this prolonged period of

observation and respect where he have a lot of social norms and a

lot of social patterns. We're expected to observe other

cultures you know, are less engaged to a by and large degree

where to those other cultures. It might seem a little for.

And so that's interesting to look at to me how that role

plays out and does your absolute, right?

And I see cultures, for example, grief and celebration go

hand-in-hand. Yeah, yeah, we're celebrating

someone's life as opposed to just being story that they're

gone and that was a foreign concept to me as long and I

noticed with friends that I have a Most people friends, how you

can turn something negative into something positive in your own

life because it the other day, something that's negative for

you Jeffrey. May as well be positive for me

and vice versa. So, things are never really good

or bad, we just apply those labels to them based.

Of course, we just discussed how we grew up the culture, the

society, religion politics, you name it and then we apply these

labels on everything. And that of course, will then

lead to perhaps, as A challenge insult, assessing, our songs

properly because no one overconfident or under-confident

like in the, in the study you shown, they get a great way to

kind of frame things today and set, kind of an established

starting point. As we look at unhealthy

confidence, it might be viewed as over assessing or inflating

the value of your core abilities or competencies.

This is a question. I'm posing to you, Constantine

as a general overview and starting Today.

How can unhealthy confidence affect our self assessment

abilities? The obviously that's a great

question. So ho Chan until impact.

Well, first of all, it's all about giving us an inflated

perception of our capabilities skills or knowledge.

And I've struggled a personally in my life because there have

been times when I let's say I'm from Romania to Canada and you

Romania, I went to high school, there was a here to mathematics

and computer science. So my level of mathematics was

fairly high for For the same grade level in Canada.

So I was over comment on my car. You know, I'm coming from this

country. I know college equivalent Mass.

I'm going to do so good and then made me overconfident, but then

I didn't factor in things such as language barrier.

Perhaps some elements idea study in my school so that pose

challenges in my life or at least in my early life in high

school here because of this overconfidence and I was not

properly self-assessing my skills.

Now when you overestimate your abilities like in the case you

around, He's overlooking areas that need development and

Improvement and I have many examples that as well for my own

life again. And then of course, then leads

to an effective decision maker because if I think I'm better

than I am then I'm obviously going to make different

decisions. Then if I had a more accurate

representation of how, I am how I feel and what I can do and

then of course you need support unit.

He's opportunities for growth and learning you fail to finish

projects, perhaps sometime or filter finish something period

than you like just giving up. Because, you know, I don't want

to talk to you some more. So those are just some examples

that come to mind right away. Again, interesting to me how we

sometimes you utilize, those assessments to overestimate our

abilities or downplay, our shortcomings you know where

pattern by those past experiences.

Also looking at that idea of our past experiences, what are some

of the factors that influence our tendency to over inflate?

Our abilities, either intrinsically Or extrinsically,

I'm gonna frame it intrinsically being from ourself.

You extrinsically based on the feedback in compassionate,

empathetic input. We received from others, then,

frame it, y'all. So that's a, that's not a great

way to dive deeper into this. And if you're looking for a

signal like, what's within you, and it's a level of personal

awareness, are you aware that you're making certain decisions

or certain self assessments or that you're being overconfident

rather confident. And I like to say this in my

line of Of work Bay to my professional life, personal

life, or anything else is idea that awareness is half the

battle if I'm not aware that something is going on.

It's very hard for me to do anything about it or even allow

others to hold me in that regard, right?

So then you tell you from there you go to Ego development, you

go to the character differences and for example, agreeableness

is one of the five categories dates that you and I can have

but your agreeableness could be very different than mine.

Maybe he packed how I show up in the world and how I show up.

So far, I like the socks for self-assessment that we talked

about, right? There's so many other things

that today's physical limitations, right?

On a bigger guy, you're a small guy.

How am I going to show up? You know, let's see my group of

friends have any skinny. I'm the bigger guy while now I'm

going to be more insecure if a go out, right?

I'm going to be more self conscious perhaps, and those are

things that you may not realize until you stop and think about

what's going on and how they can impact you.

The only other thing I would add is like this idea of distortions

that come into our mind. The cognitive distortions that

start to happen because our brain is very good.

I was a brain, has a brain and ego very good at just looking to

protect us. Keep the status quo and prevent

us from making changes that could be seen as dangerous and

any change for our brain and our ego.

The way I see it is seen as dangerous.

So once I realized personally that our brain and our ego are

not there to hurt us, actually, there to protect us.

Now, you can start working with them as opposed to against them.

It's interesting to look at That framing even in some of the

conditioning, we've been patterned believe we've been

taught, we've observed throughout society that, you

know, we do receive a lot of that message that that

protection is working against us that it's something to be

feared, you know, rather than seeing that from the other

perspective that simply says, the things that protect us are

working for our betterment. For our good, to reach our

optimal elevated. State of being an interesting

interaction, Justice Past week on LinkedIn questioning where we

might use that personality model that's typically shared in the

Myers-Briggs and how often we use that or what value.

We see that in our interactions as businesses over the last five

years, I've kind of evolved into also comparing the five Factor

model of personnel. You mentioned agreeableness,

which is one of the core alphabetically first functions

of five Factor model person. The agreeableness extraversion

being one of those factors. How L going on, re how open and

available are we to interact with each other?

So we have agreeableness extraversion conscientiousness,

you know, how aware and open are we to things?

How able are we to look at different perspectives and then

openness itself being part of that five Factor model how

vulnerable can we be? How accepting can we be?

How Agreeable, might we allow ourselves.

We've got in there neuroticism. Hey, Eileen to neuroticism

because I can be highly neurotic you know that could be good and

bad. It can be beneficial adverse.

You will put that out there and I love just touching the

Jeffrey. Know you have I'll fight ya hit

all five I thought I was missing.

It's 5:00. I don't know why.

I sometimes find that difficult to remember, all five of those

things and sometimes that perfectionistic trait, does crop

up or I'm like, I should know this.

Maybe how, you know, it was interesting to see in this

conversation on LinkedIn. I'm going to reel it back to

that how this idea of neuroticism and kind of stirred

the pot kind of in this conversation.

Well, we can't go around calling people in business or Ronnie,

you know, people don't want to hear that.

Well, there again, and that is a condition filter, what level of

understanding or what filter are we applying to that notion of

neuroticism, you know, neuroticism itself.

When we look at it, is our ability to kind of be fluid and

flexible. That's or the converse of that,

when we're in a more adverse state that neuroticism is, when

we are a little bit more inconsistent and unpredictable

in our Behavior. So when we get some of those

filters out of the way of ego, and Ocean.

Some of those conditions believes some of that your gears

years back when we dealt with mental health, you know, well,

their neurotic was suddenly the undesirable knesset was a

stigmatized mental health that were still looking to overcome

today with mental health awareness day.

Just being what? I'll go week ago, I feel we're

fairly aware of mental health. Are we changing our perspective

on Mental Health? Maybe becomes that next step?

Exactly. We decide that also no longer

and, you know, you Tasha, no five factors.

And what's really interesting to me?

And I've seen this in my life again as like how each one of

them is heavily impacted by those filters.

You mentioned and both internal filters will be applied based on

what we see in the world, then what we've learned but also

those conditionings. You touch them and now we're

going to expand that later. Yeah.

To emphasize that idea that all of these elements and

everything, we talked about this heavily heavily influenced, By

our own biases. Yeah, you mentioned that role

that awareness self awareness or introspection plays.

How do you feel on the other side of that?

We sometimes might stray off course a little bit with our own

awareness and self. Assessing well, what are we

stray is? At least I can I go look back at

myself as if I'm overconfident. If I'm someone that believes

something is as good as you can get there.

I'm not going to make any effort to continue learning to continue

exploring other perspectives. So let's say, Jeffy, you and I

are working together on a project you want to give me

started feedback, already criticized me for something.

I did, I won't be receptive to any of that, right?

Doesn't matter how constructive or not it is, in fact I'm

actually take it. Personally, I will impact the

group dynamic, the work Dynamic that we have together.

That's an interesting to point to get a look at where we take

that offense and What filters are triggering that kind of

offencive reaction, you know, like interjected a little bit

there. So, you know, that's a great.

It's all comes out to fill this out.

Maybe it's a time for us to talk about what filters are and why

they come up maybe you want to touch with that.

So to me a filter is essentially a lens through which we see

ourselves of the world around us.

And the example, I like to give say let's say, Jeffrey you and I

we both have a pair of glasses, your glasses, just use a crystal

clear. Lines.

And you see the world as it should be but my glasses have

blue lenses on. Well, I'm going to see the world

blue, no matter what I look, everything is going to be blue

and that's what we do in our life with his eagle and says

emotional lenses, whatever other lens you can think of because we

keep applying this Lance's and we keep distorting the image

will distort the perception of ourselves and others and now we

allow it to influence our life and you I think you mentioned

decided it's about removing those lines.

It's about removing Filters and seeing what's true leader?

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your ideal match Magic. Picture yourself on a bright,

sunny day, busily walking through the city, your schedule.

Full your mind distracted by a busy to do list of activities.

Plus you find yourself loaning to enjoy the first race of

Summer, but, you know, all this stuff.

Imagine, as you begin to step into the street, you see a city

transit bus, fastly bearing down thinking, you have plenty of

reaction time you suddenly You misunderestimated, either the

angle of approach relative proximity or the rate of speed

at which the vehicle is traveling in a best-case

scenario. You barely escaped being hit yet

in the worst possible outcome. You're struck by the bus.

If you were over confident in your ability to more accurately

assess the circumstances, our situation as startling is this

scene, maybe we often border on overconfidence in scenarios such

as estimating or time of arrival.

Or when achieving deadlines unhealthy confidence, therefore

imposes, an adverse outcome based on our inability to more

effectively. Self-assess emotional regulation

is crucial to developing a healthy self concept as it

involves managing, and expressing emotions in a

balanced manner. Allows individuals to understand

and respond to their feelings appropriately.

Emotional dysregulation, on the other hand, contributes to

insecurity, disrupting this process when emotions are not

Effectively regulated negative experiences could be magnified

through emotional filters distorting one, self-perception

ego, filters influenced by past experiences, can further amplify

these insecurities, emotional suppression and unhealthy coping

mechanism inhibits authentic emotional expression.

Hindering self-acceptance, and reinforcing and security.

He's failing to self-doubt manifest in various

circumstances, such as social interactions intimate

relationships and Ation hindering personal growth and

fulfillment by cultivating. Emotional regulation.

We can foster a healthier self-concept and navigate life's

challenges with greater confidence and resilience

Constantine. We look at that angle in.

This is something we focus on specifically not only in the

podcast, but in our coaching practice at unconscious filters

and how that plays a crucial role, in shaping that

perspective. But also forms that role in what

we might perceive as a Limiting the ability for our perspective,

making even that way, that we assess and evaluate what a

limitation is, is subject to they have same filters,

limitation for you might be different than the limitation

for me as you form different goals and values.

You might have a different core goal objective.

My objectives and goals might be different.

How do we align to Simply see those values as coexisting

automatically becomes? That goal ultimately becomes at

ability to simply just be more agreeable or conscientious more

open and less neurotic. Or, you know, neurotic any more

beneficial way, will say not more or less even because that

becomes a kind of a slippery slope of filter that is

absolutely. And looking back at my

childhood, let's say the example of showing vulnerability, which

has a man. I was raised to again, never

cry, never show emotion. So then it conflicts, you know,

as you grow up and you have these emotions, you talked about

grief or the beginning or you know, someone Close to You

passes. I supposed to not cry because

it's not manly, or can we remove the glass and say, wait a second

Advance. It doesn't, it's not something I

want. Deep down in my heart, it's

something that was imprinted on me earlier in my life, it

doesn't serve me anymore. I want to remove the plants and

that's where the real work begins.

Because now I'm aware that there's a lance.

I'm aware of the fact, it doesn't agree with what I want

to be. And I can go ahead and try to

remove it. And if you have those two steps,

you can remove it, it just takes time and work.

It's a great place to look at that idea again, of art

introspection, I've found through my work and through my

interactions, especially communicating with other

individuals on the podcast, where sometimes we run into that

introspection. Illusion bias.

Yes, there are certain things that we do that until somebody

else. Points them out compassionately

and empathetically. Hopefully that we don't

recognize because they are an unconscious pattern that we

don't have that ability to kind of put on the lens and glasses

to see. You know, we're a little bit

cloudy and unfocused on why we do certain things myself

included until recently. I kind of hit that knowledge

that sometimes I do over intellectual.

Nice things. It's not to say that our

intellect is inherently good or bad.

I do sometimes bypass that emotional interaction.

That's valuable in a benefit in feeling what other people are

feeling, can become very intimidating.

We just acknowledge that in a past episode on ego.

It's a good way to look at it because we're very good as human

beings to overestimate our ability.

To actually look at how we understand.

You know, workings how we faint. Why we think a certain way,

while we take a certain action and I'm not different than you

and others, We All Fall prey to that at times, you know, life

sometimes more often than we'd like to admit but how do we get

over it? Right is by doing a

self-assessment by peeling, back the layers which include land

says, another self development practices.

But yeah that's that's the goal, right?

It's like how do we look at these solutions that were

creating for ourselves and allow others to help us?

But also help ourselves get out of the dilution From that

perspective, we look at how our emotions Act is filters through,

which we interpret the world. And for example, when we're

feeling angry, or fearful or emotional filter, may lead us to

interpret situations in a negative or threatening way, you

know, we talked about taking offense to somebody's feedback.

Now, there is a fine line there. You know, we talk about

complexity today, that fine line of is this person being

compassionate and empathetic is Is person understanding of how

I'm feeling. Does this person?

Take my perspective into consideration?

We are patterned a lot of times in our upbringing to Simply

emotionally react, I feel fear or I feel anger, I feel

insecurity. So, I'm lashing out, I'm looking

to blame. I'm looking to place the

reasoning somewhere else, sometimes that trauma-based

healing that needs to occur can make it difficult to Simply.

Remove ourselves from that perspective.

Would you not agree or absolutely 100% of that then you

touched on something beautiful that.

I mean, fear is her is a big or significant emotional filter

because what fear has done for me, for example, it gets me to

underestimate my abilities and my potential times.

Y, That's it, can lead me to avoid research challenges which

might be growth opportunities. But I could allow fear to be

like, who I don't want to have this deep conversation with

Jeffrey today because Not prepared.

I don't know enough or are not perfect yet.

Well, that's a missed opportunity right there.

Whereas feeling for growth because you learn in this

process and it doesn't have to be perfect.

It's never going to be perfect because you can always take a

sec and they sack, I realize we say, I could have done anything

differently, and then there's no Perfection, right?

Look at that idea of perfect. You know, we form that filter

ourselves anyway. Yeah, I can look at the Active

baking, I'm a former chef. The active bakey I do, feel my

skill. Level in the baking realm is not

on your comparable level to a lot of other people.

I can look at that with a healthy assessment and say, my

results. When I make a cake, I don't tend

to hit as frequently based on how I've developed those skills

based on other Bakers. I can have a healthy perspective

about that and say in order for me to make the cake that I'd

like to make, I can increase their skills, I can move toward

unaware. Is of perfecting no skills.

I'll say perfecting. I think we sometimes had that

unhealthy fear of the idea of perfection itself.

Yes, let me ask you this. This is actually interesting.

Father, came to mind, right? Yeah.

As you talk about the Perfection, what I ask myself

lately, and I asked people as well in the audience and

otherwise, it's the profession. You're striving for for

yourself, then, perfect. Go for it.

Or is it because of someone you're looking up toward, you

want to be like, because if it's not for you, You, you're likely

not going to make it and the process can be very painful as

going to be very frustrated. I think that that can itself be

a double-edged sword. Are we looking at what mode of

comparison you're operating from your?

Are you looking from an insecure standpoint where you see

yourself as unworthy because you aren't reaching that?

Does that become an emotionally triggering thing?

That does diminish. Your sense of accomplishment

that does keep you from feeling some sense of fulfillment, That

that old equation is Young. I don't often like to lean into

sports comparisons because Sports and life can be very

different but that old comparison with Michael Jordan

and be like Mike we can look at how a healthy relationship to

that can drive you to excel, Michael Jordan himself, we

dissect, probably a million and one different ways as a human

being with a lot of judgments and variables, but from a more

objective standpoint, Point, he utilized a lot of those same

Concepts to reach that healthy Pinnacle of his output and

performance that ability to say I'm like you but I'm not like

you. I'm like this person but I'm me

Don, I know and understand where my performance level is.

I drive myself relentlessly. Now, I can't speak for Michael

Jordan and what his career path ever has been his personal path

as a human being, but by a lot of perspectives, there was some

healthy driving that you can also see where some of that are

I say become unhealthy because others felt that drive and

diminish themselves by it exactly know.

That's a great example and I love it a lot because of the

idea that when you look at someone as a role model, I see

Michael. In this case, I looking at the

role model because they achieved so much success and they have so

much money and everyone talks about them.

What are you looking for specific values that they uphold

perseverance, work, ethic, whatever values, you really like

to bring into your life. And when I shift that bicep for

me, from putting some on a pedestal and be like, I want to

be the next Michael Jordan. No, I ask you.

To be the next Constantine. I'm the only one.

That's the one I want to be and I refrain my entire mentality

around thinking about competing with myself.

Am I better than I was yesterday a month ago and a year ago,

there's only person I want to. I want to compete against

because that's the only person I know if I could be the guest you

Jeffrey. There's so many things.

I don't know. Hey, how you grew up, what's

going on your life or anything else?

So then when you start to compare yourself with others, is

when I've noticed myself, Or shorter than 40.

My face. I go either overconfident or

under-confident. I, you know, have a fragile ego

at times for example because I feel heart.

If someone doesn't see me things of that nature and its really

interesting. Like I said, we can't I say this

A Million Ways looking at that idea, then of the ego filter

coming into play that self-assessment.

It's self even how we communicate.

It are those filters stepping in place, do we bulk under that?

The idea of comparing social statuses can become very

valuable from a lot of perspectives to compare social

status. If your goal is to reach that

social status, it only becomes unhealthy when it starts to

demoralize, our sense of self where we start to devalue.

Our sense of self can also become very valuable where

you're able to step away and say, I don't give two flying

flips about what those people make, or even what I make,

because that's not my core value.

I get coaching offers every day to grow Denna die.

What do you want to scale to? I'll be got honest, those aren't

values that drive me there, not core values for me to important

to make an income. We have a lot of ways in our

household to make income. Do I allow that to become my

core concept? Hell, no, I'm not money.

I'm not what I make that doesn't validate to me.

What my value in this world is. Is I could be completely happy

and content living under a rock. I'm gonna go out on a limb and

say it today. Yeah, trigger somebody maybe

look at your filters, I'll select threatening in that to

you. Ultimately what makes you feel

insecure? What are you projecting upon it?

Why does that become inferred with your emotional

interactions? Why now, do we start to

assimilate those things? Are we looking at the social and

cultural norms, again being the filters that automatically, Just

leave their blocking us. Oh, that's so beautiful Jeffrey

and I couldn't agree more. And until a couple of years ago

I was in that mindset has wall or I need to acquire more.

I need to chase the perfect American Dream, North American

Dream, how we are looking at More Money More possessions.

And as I was climbing the corporate ladder and I was

chasing More Money, More validation, the less happy I was

and you realize the money is not what makes you happy - Norma

brings you the satisfaction. And that Joy is not add value

that. Most people can all joy out of

and again about themselves as a beautiful human soul, we've kind

of took a little turn their into the extrinsic motivation of

that. You know, we look at motivation,

a lot of times from an either-or equation, either a motivated.

Or I'm not when we take that to a perhaps more complex view of

motivational factors they're literally for every action, we

Have throughout the day. An infinite number of factors

that are influencing why and how and what we do in any action, we

do, motivational factors. It's not necessarily that

black-and-white thinking of either or either I'm motivated

or I'm not from my certain perspective, they're getting am

willing to trade this out. Anytime from that perspective,

what are all those factors? Sometimes that, Motivation is

unconscious. You're doing something that you

intrinsically know you inherently need in that moment.

This drive to extrinsically validate, sometimes I have to

get this job done. Well, there's a part of you

right now that you haven't given your awareness and attention to

that needs the rest that needs to do something.

A lot of times it's that unfulfilled need of Simply being

in the wrong scenario for yourself serving the wrong goals

values. Purpose says, sometimes we can

over identify with that notion of purpose, I'm only sitting

here to this earth to do. One thing can become a very

limiting perspective. If you allow it to be, I'm going

to throw the challenge is out there because I know from a

certain perspective, they can be challenging, you know, we

struggle with that idea. Of what is my purpose to be

here? Basically, we can make that

anything we want. We can see purpose into

everything, you know. The more purposes, we see the

more ability we have to be purposeful in our actions we

real that back into black and white thinking.

I've only got one purpose to be here.

If you're not meeting that purpose, what happens usually

there's an emotional response. Usually there's an external

validation that we feel like we're not meeting.

There's an unconscious filter play.

Our ego is wounded. I'm not feeling now that I'm of

worth and value because I formed this perception that there's

only one way I could do that. Sometimes we have to pull that

facade down, give it a good kick in the pants and say it's the

way we're looking at things that is keeping us stuck here because

we're only seeing one way of doing things and it's a

beautiful reminder of what we see around us in the world all

the time. Professional athletes retiring

after a beautiful career and then feeling empty because the

purpose is gone. Now the no longer enough said

maybe a parent and I've seen this in my life I'm not a parent

myself but I've seen others What they identified as a palette.

That was a purpose in life and then the children grow up and

move out and now they lost his sense of identity.

So I like the idea of looking at your purpose as not just one

thing, especially something that's tied externally to you.

By looking more in words, is your purpose to be in service of

others? Is your purpose to show a lot

more. However, the main look for you,

what is the purpose? And if I let's say from a parent

to my purpose is to today's beautiful children and that's my

purpose will go deeper. What does it mean?

Whatever you want to be in service of others.

Maybe you want to share, love with someone and raise them so

they can have a huge impact on the world and now your purpose

is tied not necessary to something like that's outside of

you. But more to internally to you

from your perspective Constantine, what are the more

common patterns and behaviors associated with unhealthy

confidence and ineffective, self-assessment a great

question, that Jeffrey. So, common behaviors associated

with her healthy confidence may include an unwillingness to

accept Except it uses and feedback we mentioned it

earlier. But also these regarding your

opinion or others opinion or perspectives because I believe

I'm right. You are wrong baby, because of

how you look or what you believe in or who you support.

It's also about overestimating one's skills and capabilities.

We talked about us all in the bus and also the inability to

recognize our own shortcomings and mistakes and really these

behaviors what they do unfortunately or fortunately,

they look at this, they Will lead to a distorted sound

perception, strange relationships.

Because of course, if I'm not accepting your feedback, I'm

disregarding your opinion. How is that going to impact our

relationship? Likely not very well.

And of course, it impacts ultimately your ability to grow

and improve as a human being. Because if you put yourself up

on such a high pedestal and, you know, everything and you are the

perfect person. Then?

Why? Why continue learning?

Why continue growing That's a great one to sit on.

From this insight about our perspective.

Are there specific biases that may arise that hinder our

ability to self assess at times. That's an obvious question,

Jeffrey? Because there are quite a few

biases that I've noticed in my life and since I've been able to

correct, to some degree. But for example, one is fairly

famous scene psychologist, dunning-kruger effect.

What is essentially people? Like you and I we have a little

bit of a specific task, but we overestimated to be able T,

like, when I started doing my own Pockets, I'm like, oh, I'm

such a good speaker. I'm going to do all these things

and then you overestimated, but then you can start to realize

this, I got there's so much more to learn, there's so much more

to do, but then there's also confirmation bias and this have

something that showed up in my life.

Often earlier in my life, you're favoring information that

confirms an existing belief, so I'll take public speaking.

Something that I used to dislike big-timing, school and

University. If you're even in my early

professional career and I would always look for in for sense

reinforcers, that would tell me oh I'm better public speaking.

So maybe I fumbled on stage, maybe I spoke too fast or some

words came out. There are way instead of looking

at it holistically and saying, well, yeah, I had of those

fumbles but I also did these amazing things and people

appreciated the work I put in and the message is sent across

and then you have the self-serving bias which is

you're actually putting success to yourself.

So I guess I've had it before. It's like, wow, I was in school.

I got an A+ in this course, that's only because I'm amazing

and I put in the work, right. But then I got to see in another

class. Well, now, that's because of

Jeffrey. He's a terrible teacher, and all

that's because my parents didn't, let me study what I

wanted, right? Or something happened.

And that's something that shows up in your life and you don't

even realize. And again, that's self-serving

bias. And the last one I want to

mention is self-enhancement bias.

You perceive yourself more positively than the object would

be, are overestimating your positive attributes and

underestimated your negative ones.

So these are all biases that will show up in your life.

Most of us anyway at one point or another and until I can we

become aware that these are possibility and they show up.

It's very hard to sense it in the moment.

Do you know of any other? This is not a game of

one-upmanship today, but I feel like we're on a good path

because there, So many different ways that we've kind of

dissected these behaviors as human beings.

I stumbled across a great website about a year and a half

ago. Called the decision, lab.com

organization that focuses specifically on looking at our

experience of heuristics and biases throughout our lives,

especially in organizational settings.

If they've listed, I think upwards of about a hundred and

eighty eight different ways that We experienced biases and

heuristics throughout our lives. Wow, you mentioned several that

you know are very pertinent as we experience these filters.

That limit our ability to self assess experiential.

Rationalization is kind of a bigger umbrella, one that kind

of Embraces, those experiential. Rationalization is why we

justify our decisions and actions based on past

experiences experiential. Rationalization were

rationalizing. Why we do certain things.

We're looking sometimes to blame and subjugate why we did things

we're looking to validate externally sometimes with our

rationalizations. For instance, if I my, if you

rationalize a bad decision by focusing on the positive

experience, instead of recognizing it as a failure or

mistake, you'll be more likely to repeat the same behavior and

similar situations selective reinforcement takes place.

Whether we see it as positive or negative can be both beneficial

and adverse. Sometimes, if we're overly

positive about something and neglect to look at the negative

aspect where our skills might be lacking, we're emotionally.

We might be suppressing. We're from an ego filter.

We might since a void in our self-concept, our sense of

identity can become selective reinforcement, both good and bad

but And even - both healthy and unhealthy but beneficial and

adverse. Now, as you can see, I'm trying

to go down different scenarios here and not only look at from

one black and white angle of thinking, what often happens is

the ostrich effect bias, the cognitive bias where we nor past

experience, and data. In order to confirm, our past

belief, they're getting nodding to your confirmation bias

heuristic shortcuts result in our thinking and reasoning.

Reasoning heuristic shortcuts are just simply ways.

We try to come to a quicker conclusion.

Easiest way to frame it, will go the Simplicity on this and make

Simplicity work. Sometimes those shortcuts are

beneficial. A lot of times those shortcuts

can omit pertinent data can become very biased in limit.

What were able to consider? I love that.

I also like to look at it this way.

I'm a techie guy walking tai chi have about the Greek Your

science. And I'm good my computer that I

have Windows 11, which means I'm running.

The latest operating system might not be the best in the

world, but it's more than it has any technology.

But the way I see it, our brain or ego, usually runs on our

dated software. So you might be Windows 98 and

it will instantly house and because like you were giving

examples earlier, it's going back to our early childhood and

picks up on those programs that were back then and apply them in

our life because we can't, I always sit on a decision or

seconds or minutes, it has to be quick.

Our subconscious has to act on our behalf and again it's all

about protection and keeping us safe.

So what it does is not that we don't have a choice and we can't

do anything about it but rather that what we can go in and

change this programming so we can update the software.

So if I'm acting on 30 year old software like in my case or how

can I go in and change that to a more modern one, we're looking

at that level of implicit and explicit memory implicit is To

imply you lot of times were in that unconscious habit of

implying our reasoning explicit. Again, being that more kind of

factual validated reasoning. You know, we move through

different areas of the brain. When were aligned when were

engaged when we're self-regulated emotionally were

working out of the prefrontal cortex more explicit in our

memory. When we're kind of emotionally,

activated Reese, Sponding from that.

Activation were working from the amygdala, the hippocampus, and

the hypothalamus areas of the brain that don't require as much

of that. Conscious feedback and awareness

simply respond, simply try to ensure my continued safety.

My continued existence, my continued being there are times

like when we go to step in front of a bus, do we have time to get

across the street? Or are we going to get smacked?

We have to operate quick. In those actions in order to

guarantee our survival? Are we able to kind of slow the

framework down a little bit? And say let's put this in, slow

motion a little bit. Yeah there again we get a lot of

programming. Why do we have to rush to action

on time? What's driving that Rush?

What's driving that knee? What pushes that sense of

urgency? What are the motivational

factors? Who are we trying to appease is

an external validation? Are we answering to some

insecure inner filter? That says, if I don't do this

right now, suddenly I'm of lower worth.

He's love to hear your thoughts on that, because it does come

down to your own beliefs, about yourself and your, at the end of

the said, you're worth your personal works.

Well, if growing up, I had the message that not enough but I'm

not Good enough, the way I am. But I am not right?

Because I'm trying to be different that's gonna manifest

in exactly what you explained in my life because I'm always going

to look for things to prove myself that I am enough and then

if something happens that goes against it or reminded have been

enough. So now I'm going to continue on

that path earn of reinforcing beliefs that I don't hold in my

heart or even my by but they are done at the subconscious level.

So I again I like to go back to the idea of realign with

yourself and your wife. Find that purpose.

You're talking about earlier, expand on it.

Like what resonates with you and what doesn't start?

Questioning? It start becoming aware of it

and then you can do the work which we'll talk about later as

we consider these differing aspects.

As we consider these ideas of bias that we've mentioned, how

might be States? Lead us to sometimes

over-identify at times, either with ourselves with

circumstances with our emotions. So it comes to over identifying

with ourselves and our emotions. I also like to look at two

concepts that I used to get confused by.

And I hear a lot of talk about this which is idea about fragile

ego or the inflated superhero and they can overlap it, right?

Because you're like, oh, but they could be the same thing but

not really because of fragile ego which is something again.

I struggled with in the past is often characterized by a sense

of insecurity a high degree of sensitivity to criticism because

it take it personal. Oh Jeffrey.

Something, I guess the option and this is way too personal and

also cause a need for reassurance and affirmation.

Are you seeing what I'm doing? Are you happy with what I'm

doing? Please tell me I'm doing a good

job, right? That's the fridge.

Anyway, because again and learned behaviors, but then,

your inflated super-ego is actually quite different,

because it's an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a lack

of empathy, for others, or Compassion, or love, or any of

those, and a tendency to disregard of this means the

perspectives of Feelings of others.

So when you're looking at, how do you over identify these?

These are things that can show up in your life, to then, you

know, over identify as someone that has a superpower or you're

an overachiever and how does the show up in your life?

And if I have a fragile ego, I'm a over identify with my

weaknesses and perceived shortcomings.

But if I have a, let's say a super-ego, right?

And phrase super-ego, then I will do the opposite, I will

overemphasize my strengths and my Achievements and you see how

they will start to show up differently new life that we can

we can touch on that and it's great that we look at those

ideals ideals. I say they're somewhat socially

conditioned beliefs about high achievement or overachieving

individuals. We start to look at where those

emotional responses start to command.

We start to look at how that ego filter starts to come and play.

So your Eagle Scout those of course your emotional filters.

We thought. talked about a bit about the definition behind both

of these Why? When I look at emotional filters

which is something that again comes up a lot more talking

about the overachievers again, you know, I'm one of them people

that have a fragile ego or super-ego.

If emotion filters will color your perception causing you to

either over amplifier downplaying certain aspects and

we touched a bit on fear earlier, right.

But it's also Pride the shame and is so much more but I'll

give you an example in my case. Shame.

If I feel shame about the political aspect of my subtle,

see my weight, my size. Right?

What happens that? Well, I'm 18, I heard, um, play

it so that I have asked you so perception, but it can also lead

me to hyper-focus on the perceived flaw.

I could be the perfect weight and size 4 or the, the age

amount, and my fitness level, and my goals in life.

But because I'm allowing external internal factors to

come in. I know hyper focus on those

flaws and what happens, then it's at the expense.

Pensive recognizing our sites. So there's a matter how good of

a partner, I am how good of a human being and how good of a

worker I am. If I focus on those rods, that's

all that matters. No reminds and again, I'm sure

many of us have gone down that path and meds.

It's not a pleasant path to be on.

Let's put it that way. You talk about that level of

focus. So often that kicks us into

what's known as a anticipatory anxiety.

He start to ruminate what We perceive is going to happen.

We start to speculate we start to project we go over and over.

Yep I'd look at the idea of ruminated thinking and how it's

often labeled as over thinking It's not necessarily that we

have an overage of thought were just running the same pattern in

cycle. The thought it's anxious.

Thought anxious, anticipatory thought, we're starting to guess

what we believe is going to happen.

It how other people are going to perceive it.

So if the enemy nation is another big one because you

always look back again. I say you were as in looking

talking to myself, look back and then you can think of now.

Ten different ways you could have done better.

I guess, what? Now, you have a hinge side bias

because, of course, we're gonna think about an interaction.

We had or something we did and be like, wow, there's so many

other ways to do it. You can do it so much better.

Instead of looking at it from a growth mindset of like I've done

that. I can celebrate the good parts

but I can learn from the parts. I don't necessarily agree with.

Now, what I consider the bed and I come from a background where

fixed mindset was the note again, we steaks being punished,

mistakes, have to be hidden. You have to strive to be perfect

by growth wise that allows you to be like, you know what, I can

fall down and I'm still constantina people have similar

view, right? I can make mistakes and Jeffrey

still gonna be my friend. That's that's what I want people

to get out of this. In the audience is that we can

learn from all of these mistakes.

Challenges fails without beating ourselves up all the time.

We love that you mentioned that idea of fixed nests in our

mindset. It's your mindset, being the

attitudes in values and parameters that are guiding our

thinking or thought or cognition are filters and Frameworks.

Sometimes that idea of growth mindset.

Do you believe at times, it can itself become somewhat fixed in

limiting. That's a good question and you

know what I've done other so Sabbath, I thought about it.

Of course, if you can because again, it's if you don't think

the buyer says you're working with, if you don't fix your

internal belief, And the Lancers.

We talked about the do your emotional or ego Lance's then,

of course, your growth wisest will be impacted by that and it

will be limited to some degree. So it's not like you can say,

hey, I'm just going to call it a girl - a journey now and ignore

everything else because it's not going to work, okay?

It's a great area for us to point out today.

You know, sometimes when we do get locked into patterns of

toxic positivity, you know, that in and of itself can be an

emotionally activating statement, toxic Positivity.

I've been told and condition that positivity is all to make

goal. If been told to move away and

neglect, the negative aspects of things.

Sometimes that kicks Us in again to that experiential,

rationality sometimes that kicks us into that ostrich effect.

Where I'm now Burying my head in the sand and running away from

the fact that there are negative aspects to be aware of, to be

open to conscientiously. Sitter and I love you brother

top because as it is decent conversation with my parents,

we're getting on born in during the Communist a Time leave most

of their life there. And this idea I brought up was

like okay let's leave from a place of positivity.

I love where we look at anything that happens in our life, from

that lands. And now he's challenged our

world. If you look at the positive, how

what do you do with a -? Because there's so much

negativity around us and my take was and I'm curious to see

European here, Jeff has all, but my take was that well Yes

negativity won't be there all the time.

You're not ignoring it ideally student in your example.

You're not putting it under the dirt under the sand.

You're actually acknowledging it but you're not focusing.

All your attention on it and just sitting with like this such

a terrible thing more like celebrate the positives lead

from a place of Love while acknowledging the negativity

piece and see how changing or shifting your mindset, can allow

you to tackle the challenges in your life without being bogged

down or Paralyzed by the Fear the pain, the shame that comes

with something negative in your life, you need to be.

That draws us into that aspect of the five Factor model of

Personality agreeableness. Sometimes we can agree and

disagree, that things are both positive and negative.

You know, we can shift those perspectives in allow those

filters to kind of dissolve or sometimes willingly switch them

in and out. I over the last several years

I've required reading glasses and now pretty much.

When I drive or anytime, you know I'm viewing things at a

distance. I need classes.

You know, I have to have that filter in order to be able to

see if I ignore those filters and don't put them in a place.

Literally, everything is blind to me, distance of five feet of

more. I'd everything becomes a blur.

Sometimes, we have to be able to be agreeable to put those

glasses on and see things from that perspective.

Yes, great example. I could be dope.

Destroys. All right let's say if you lived

in the mountains by yourself and there was no one around you, do

you need the glasses because you have all Beauty all around you

and you know it but of course in many scenarios, we need to be

open to allowing those Lance's to come and go as they serve a

purpose for us. And in this example, you gave it

serves a purpose, a clear purpose for, you allows you to

navigate life easier to see the beauty around you to see the

Angels write any of those elements.

But again, if I lived in the mountains for me, Not be that

important. You know, we've gotten real

philosophical today and I feel sometimes those are very

powerful messages to put out there.

Let's look a little bit more procedural and how we look at

this. Do you feel Constantine?

Sometimes that, ultimately insecurity plays.

A central role in our ability to more effectively self-assess s.

Absolutely and I think with option A couple of these

insecurities that come out for shame, maybe through fear and

others and they absolutely play a huge Being our ability to self

assess because if I'm insecure about an aspect of myself maybe

my public speaking then of course I'm going to self-assess

as if I'm a poor public speaker and I'm going to focus on those

times of stumbled, I focus on the mistakes I made and less

focus on the positive aspects and maybe the aspects that will

allow me to elevate my ability to public speak to a point where

I would be happy with myself. We've shared such a rich in

insightful, interactions. They constituted.

I feel like we've probably reached the Pinnacle of our

direction today. Would you agree?

Yeah, I mean, like you said absolutely.

I gave first of all but second of all, like I said, we could be

talking about this for hours and hours and hours.

They say it a million and a half ways, but it's got to stop

somewhere. So people have time to digest.

See what resonates with them as start looking inwards.

So do you feel there are any point we might have missed in

the course of our conversation thus far?

Well, I think It's a good place for us to to handle the

conversation. Might be some practical steps

that we can utilize for overcome these adverse effects of

unhealthy confidence, having improving your self-assessment,

right? And again, these are things that

work for me, may or may work for every person.

But what I realized in my life is that you have to try things.

But I for a date, I for seven days.

If it doesn't work with on a shelf and come back to the five

years, maybe you'd be ready, done and it will have an impact

on you. The first one of course for me

was cultivating self-assessment. So, what does that mean?

While I develop a deeper understanding of myself, my

values, my strengths my weaknesses, my emotional

triggers, and I emphasize emotional triggers because those

are big one, but partner does something that triggers me and

then my ego gets in and my mind gets in and I react right away

without even having a chance to think about.

While those are things, I know, deep down inside that I don't

want you having my life yet. If I don't become aware of them,

what can I do? Do so practicing mindfulness and

self-reflection can help a lot and when I say self-reflection

just sit down with yourself, have a chat, be open.

I like to use my outer voice when I shout with myself and

allow feelings to come up, I'm not pushing them down and they

come out like a volcano. One is new to me, I was saying,

that's again, based on those learned behaviors is embracing

vulnerability and humility. Can I be vulnerable?

I share with you Jeffrey, what's really been bugging me.

And all my shortcomings. We show some of those?

Well yes I do. Is that it be vulnerable with

yourself. I went through a period of

depression for seven months last year, and in that time, a lot of

amazing things happen but you think I focused on any of them?

Of course not. I was just in the pity party of

myself. I was in France away pushing

family away, and just sitting with my emotions and not doing

anything with it, until, of course, it becomes self-aware.

So again, vulnerability and humility are both hugely

important. Now seeking consult,

Constructive feedback. I do this in my professional

life and my personal life and I know I need to do more, let's

say after this conversation, Jeffrey, I want to come to you

and say, well, what could I have done better?

What did you like, what didn't you like, and constructive

feedback is not all about the Negative Zone and I think that's

what I was getting at the beginning.

It's acknowledging the good parts but also looking at what

could have been done better and not from a point of judgment,

not from a point of being like, they make too many mistakes but