Healthy Ego Development: Letting Go of Inner Chatter and Embracing Self-love

This is the light inside. I'm Jeffrey.

Biesecker our self-concept, how we see ourselves is

automatically filtered by our ego.

Yes, that ego. The one, we've guilted shamed in

wrongfully accused blaming it for our faults for a century.

Now, the notion of ego has played a central role in our

understanding of self often Associated it, with a sense of

identity personality. Little desires.

And even our self-esteem, many times even bearing are less

desirable aspects and traits under its heavy Shadow, many of

these previous Concepts suggesting that the ego was

something to either shun or outright kill.

I know pretty aggressive, right? Recent advances in Psychology

and Neuroscience challenge this perspective in modern research

and adaptations. Susan Cook.

Reuters concept of ego, proves more empowering.

Because it goes beyond a rigid and fixed understanding of the

self as humans. We each change in grow both with

experience and time in short, we get better.

Our perspectives on ourselves in the world around us is shaped as

a result of these new healthier feedback Cycles.

Today, we focus on the many ways, the ego influences, the

way we view ourselves with guest, Rachel Lavin tune in to

find out how when we return to the light inside.

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Singularity has long been a traditional view of the ego with

the ego seen as the driving force, behind our thoughts,

emotions and behaviors. It emphasized, individuality

self-preservation and often led to a fragmented understanding of

the self. This view has changed in recent

years. However, with many psychologists

now proposing that the ego is actually a collection of various

aspects of the self. Each of which contributing to

our overall functionality. For example, the executive ego

component is responsible for regulating our behavior and

emotions. While the narrative ego

component is responsible, for a sense of identity, in our

ability to construct a life story instead healthy ego

development, recognizes the potential for growth and

development throughout our lifespan.

While embracing this perspective May encourage personal growth.

It's also a Really cool to remember that our ego can be a

major source of challenging. Emotions, such as anxiety,

depression and anger. Therefore, it's important to

find a balance between healthy, ego, development, and healthy

ego management from this framework.

We can see ourselves from a fourth person perspective, doing

so helps us to understand our behaviors and motivations from

an objective point of view. And it also allows us to make

decisions that are based on what is best.

Best for our long-term health and overall, well-being, rather

than what is best in the short term, in short, we become more

selfless in altruistic, in the process, Rachel Lavin knows

firsthand the struggles. That often arise from our

self-image. Having struggled with her, self

concept, and culturally programmed Norms, surrounding

her weight and image in our book.

Donate Diaries. She shares her personal story of

struggling with the projected beliefs about body, Image,

Weight and healthy self-image. She also offers key insight into

how she empowered herself to live an authentic life.

The message she wants to convey is that you are not alone.

That as a collective, we can encourage each other to live

authentically. Rachel first and foremost I'd

like to welcome you today as we interact and look at ego

development how we Empower our ego to work for us rather than

against us. You know that might be a unique

perspective, a lot of times because so often we are

conditioned or LED down that path that views ego ultimately

as something that's working against us before we dive in I'd

love to hear a little bit about your book donut Diaries because

ultimately, that's why we're here today is to see the power

in that story. So from that perspective, could

you give us a little overview about what you hope to convey

with the book and why you've written it?

Absolutely why I just want to say thank you for having me.

Today is a pleasure and to start with a quick intro about me.

I am a personal trainer, a health coach, a body love

educator, and an author. I've been in the wellness and

fitness space for over. Twenty years, my beginnings of

my career up until now has shifted dramatically because my

story in the donut Diaries is very personal.

I had this belief about myself for so many years that I

projected into the world. And I convinced myself that this

was who I was and this is how you should perceive me, and it

really wasn't who I was. And I struggled with that for

For so long until I just got tired of the chatter, I got

tired of the anguish and I got tired of feeling like I wasn't

living my authentic life. And so when I turned 40 years

old, I had this emotional mental and physical shift that has led

me to this path where we are now, and that's where I really

feel. Like I want to convey the

message to things. I want people who read my book

and who Interact with me and who know what I do that you're not

alone and the second thing I want to convey is that we as a

collective as people as women and men are able to feel hole in

the body that we have. Right now that sense of

wholesomeness, he's automatically that sense of us

for me, feel like we're bonded and interconnected feeling like

that, we are complete as human beings.

He's feeling like that were noticed in welcomed within our

interactions. That can be such a challenging

Place. Hmm.

Very. So looking at the title of your

book, I would interject a little bit here before we move on to

our next line of inquiry or next line of thought.

It's interesting to me to note, how we can interchange the

spelling of don't have the Pearl aldea ough in ut.

Yes. Um, Times are abbreviated Deo in

ut. We often use that, shortened

version of the story of donuts and we admit part of the word

yet it has the same meaning. I thought that was a really

interesting way to look at how sometimes we tend to Omit.

Not only parts of our own story and go under recognized with

them but also in the story of other human beings I'm feeling

very philosophical. Today, for whatever reason, I

think, part of that is because I've been on a long run of

interactions in my brain is getting kind of frazzled.

So I'm trying to find some ways to communicate some of these

things without diving, perhaps so deeply into them today.

So from that aspect, here's a curious question.

As we dive in a little further, Rachel throughout your life, it

seems you've had a complex relationship with image and

weight. Would you agree?

I would agree wholeheartedly. Yes.

Yes, so from that perspective, could you share with our

listeners a bit about this jury and how its surface, or you?

Absolutely. I think I was very hyper aware

of my body at such a young age. I feel like I developed very

quickly sooner than my classmates and it was just

something that I was aware of plus.

I grew up in a time where dieting and thinness and always

Striving for that. Perfect body was just inundated

in TV and magazines in the women around you, that surrounded your

life. So it was something that in my

teenage years and early adulthood and again, like I

mentioned up until my 40s. I don't think there was a day

that went by where I didn't think multiple times a day about

the size of my body, and how I was brought up to believe that

it was not the right size for Or our society's acceptance.

And I literally just I think I took that into my soul, I took

that into my heart and beat myself up repeatedly because I

just wasn't born with that body. So it was something that I

struggled with internally and externally and involved so many

people that were in my Stratosphere with just my body.

So the fact that That is something that in talking to

many, many people I know that I'm not alone.

So that was the message that I really wanted to convey after

writing my book. And after starting to do this

work, is that we're not alone. But we've been taught to hate

ourselves and to not love ourselves.

And we really need to stop that because we're wasting our own

lives by getting submerged in this diet culture.

Rachel, what are some of the The key personal issues, you may

have battled in regards to how you both perceived yourself, and

as a result of how you felt other people were perceiving you

in accepting. Oh, that's a very good question

because I literally was thinking, can you imagine how

exhausting? This was?

I was thinking for you, so if you and I were to admit on the

street, literally I'm not lying. I'm not making this up for

dramatic effect. And my first thought was he

thinks I'm fat or he thinks I'm not beautiful or he thinks my

body. Is not the right body.

I didn't know you. You haven't said one word to me

except hi. So imagine projecting that

energy out to everyone in the world and the things you know

the energy that weird energy I would get back because I didn't

recognize that I was like you know shoving this energy out

into the world of how my body was not the right body.

So that was such an interesting ship when I stopped doing that

and I would just meet people and just engage with people and

share a conversation with people.

The difference in the reception between yourself and myself and

I conversation was Worlds Apart. So I think it's really important

for us to know as human beings. That a how we feel about

ourselves is projected out into the world, our energy is

projected out into the world. So it's really important to have

that self-awareness and how we interact with each other and

Only doses of course can be such a challenging point to sometimes

get to to see that and healthy Doses and find that healthy

sense of balance that can be such a painful Journey at times.

Were there instances where you actually had?

Those kind of interactions where someone did put you in that

position where they projected their judgments on you?

They vocalize that they expressed it in some ways.

Oh, of course. I mean, Being a woman in the

fitness profession, you literally hear that and have

conversations about your body all the time.

Many many times, I'm both from men and women.

You don't have the right body to be a trainer or you really

should do this to look like a trainer.

We want you to do this 90 Day Challenge because you don't look

happy. You need to look like you want

to be here, you know? So it was always a static

visual, it had nothing to do with.

What's going on with nature? Like maybe we need to dig a

Little Deeper to figure out what's going on internally and

why you feel this way about your body, of course, you know, in

the fitness industry, it was always about Aesthetics.

So, yeah, absolutely. That has happened throughout my

career and my life, for sure. That could become such a game of

prying, for us, each to manage our own emotions in those sort

of interactions where we start to form some expectancy and

start to project our own. Own sense of well, where do I

want to guide this? You know, how do I want to avoid

this? Sometimes, would you agree?

Yes, there was a lot of during my adult life isolation periods

because I just I didn't want to deal with other people's

opinions. I didn't want to deal with my

own feelings. I just didn't want to put myself

out there and it's so interesting.

I guess we could use at work. So look back.

My experiences in my life before how I feel about myself now.

And there's nothing you can do about the past except learn from

it, and accept it and do better now.

But I do, I see how much of my life was spent feeling

inadequate and feeling that I didn't deserve to have all the

things that we should be enjoying life, because I didn't

feel Oh good enough 15 it too. Perhaps a little bit more

personal level. And if you're not comfortable

with going this direction, might we look at your family

interactions and how that might have played out in your

relationships within your family.

You know. I think that women are just born

with this thought process that we always have to be striving to

look a certain way behave, a certain way.

And of course, I was very much a part of my family life as well,

just like it is with most Swimming.

So yes of course I played a part but I think learning as we get

older that we are our own person, no matter what your

genetics, or your DNA or hereditary things are that you

share with your family, you still are an individual.

You still are your own man or woman.

And once we learn that and accept that and embrace that, I

think it becomes so much easier to have relationships with your

family. And relationships with your

children and your parents and your grandparents, and your

brothers and sisters. It's really interesting to me,

you know, because of course, we've all experienced families

that are really, really close and then families that are

really, really a strange. And the reason behind those

estrangement are usually because you're not able to be your

individual self in that family, you have to fall in line, right?

So I always find that Dynamic super Same as it's so

interesting. Even for my own perspective to

kind of watch and study my own immediate family with my

children within our interactions where we try to sometimes

shielding guard, that genuine connection, where sometimes we

Overlook things simply out of our own perspective.

So it's been kind of an interesting Journey for myself

to look at that and start to make sense of.

I think that again, I don't have kids so I I'm not good.

But I will say from my own experiences and watching other

moms and daughters and sons and fathers and whatever.

I just think the more you allow your children to be their own

person and be who they are. You have such a more genuine and

authentic relationship with each other.

If you're trying to mold this mini me out of your kids, that's

when things go awry. Yes, yes, I would have to agree.

That wholeheartedly that is something.

I'm watching my own son, do now as I'm watching them rear our

first grandchild and how they're trying to make some amends, I

might say with that within the room parenting style where

they're trying to be more open and available to who this child

really is rather than being guided so much by expectation,

hmm. Rachel, you've stated elsewhere

that one of your core missions especially Specially with the

book is to help women feel safe in their own bodies.

What are some of the key Behavior changes?

That might allow women to feel more empowered in enemies with

their self-image. I love the word that he is is

empowered because that really is a very important part of it.

The more we feel safe to be who we are, the more we feel

empowered to speak our true thoughts and who we really Our I

think that all that outside chatter can't penetrate or it

can't penetrate as easily as it used to.

And that's why when I do talk about body love, that's what I'm

really trying to convey is that if we don't love ourselves as a,

whole person, as a whole entity is a whole soul, then the

Aesthetics don't really matter, you know, our focus on the

Aesthetics don't really mean anything.

Why? Because you don't love yourself.

So your give your power away, you gave your happiness away, or

you expect somebody else to provide those things for you,

when those things need to come from within.

So that's what I do my best to do.

And not only sharing my experience with people, but to

show a path that there is a different way.

There's a different mindset and I believe that everyone can be

happy. I believe that everyone can be

happy with the body that Are given because our bodies are a

gift. And if we start seeing it that

way, instead of all my body isn't this, or my body is too

much of that or my body isn't whatever our thoughts are.

The more we recognize that our body is our a gift and that they

can do amazing things, instead of trying to break it down, I

think we get that idea and that's thought to build it up.

I want to point out something interesting.

Sitting here for myself. You know, I've been working

lately to try to point out, how can we kind of within our own

language? Find that Common Ground, you

know, can we frame it as are we in that writing is actually said

our behaviors yet as a male although I can be

compassionately, empathetic do. I truly have that ability to see

things through those eyes do? I just simply step aside and say

we do have to allow that Powered woman to step forward and speak.

Her voice was interesting for me to kind of catch that and I love

that you're aware of that. And I think that is a question

that everyone needs to ask themselves.

Whether it be a man or a woman. Because I think so many women

still have that concept that a bigger body is an unhealthy

body. And we shouldn't look up to

women in bigger bodies or we shouldn't find that influence in

that whatever. So, The more we step aside and

I'll, I do like that what you said about judging another

person. I think that that maybe that

acceptance might come a little easier and you will never

understand what it feels like for a woman in her body.

You just want but that's okay, you don't have to.

But I think the more that we just find our acceptance and

realize that we're all human beings and that our These are

just a vessel, it's not who we are.

Then there might be some more peace in the world.

I feel that's where we step aside, as individuals and just

simply see an accept that other person to acknowledge that they

do have their View and perspective, why don't think

that has worked for me to disobey a human being, as a

human being. When I first started this

journey for myself, I realized that I needed to not only give

myself a compliment, you're beautiful, you're capable.

I started giving compliments to other women and I just didn't

realize at the time how much that was going to open up my

heart and open up my mind and the way I thought about things

so even if women just start doing that for each other I

think some of that judgment goes to the Wayside and I'm not

really sure. We are with the whole me to

movement, but I don't know if that works for men.

I don't know. I don't know if women are

accepting compliments for men. I don't know.

I'm not sure. I don't know where we're at with

that. Sorry.

And I think that's a core human trait.

That we just want to feel that Bond.

We want to feel that presence of baloney, mmm, women, men child,

regardless of gender perspective of put it that way, we all just

want to be accepted. Kept it and left.

Yes, we do. But I want to reiterate that,

that has to come from you. First empowered belief, in, I am

worthy. I am open.

I am available. I feel like we're reiterating

today, but in a good way, sometimes people need to hear

something a hundred times before it resonates with them.

So, listen, I don't think that for us to say, What we're saying

over and over again, is a problem.

Sometimes we hear that opposite, I'll say opposite 101 times,

sometimes it does take that hundred and second time to move

past that pattern belief to move past that condition view,

definitely to work through some of those trauma responses where

we kind of go the opposite way sometimes and start to form that

perception ourselves, as you mentioned.

So looking at that angle of, so Social stigma and considering

our perspective on things, like body image, weight, or core

mental, and physical health. I'll from that perspective, then

do we start to unravel and shift?

Some of those changes? Not only for ourselves, but

throughout Society, we need to go back and heal our traumas

that have been affecting us our whole lives.

And I think the most important friendly advice I could give

someone who is deciding to take that Journey on is that you can

Rush the process. You can't just say oh yep, I had

that happen to me when I was two years old.

Great, I dealt with it by, I'm happy now, I would love it if it

would happen like that. But there is something to be

said for really diving deep into that experience, or those

experiences that shaped you to make, you believe what you

believe about yourself and to be open to thinking differently.

So I think that if people Except that they have to clean up their

past to be happy today. Then we're all in for a treat

that brings to mind that notion that we all carry certain

elements of that forward with us.

You know that inevitable NE some of that without trying to

interject too much you know labeling.

It is it junk is it? Whatever.

I just think that it's so important to understand it.

My experience of my child, And may not be my parents

experience. My experience of you may not be

the same that you experience of me and I just I think we get

caught up sometimes and it's like well you should know better

but you should know how that makes me feel and it just

unfortunately, I'm sorry. It doesn't work like that.

We're all different. We think differently, we see

things differently. We experience each other

differently and to put our expectations on each other is

where all this conflict and All this Rift and all this

miscommunication comes from and I don't want to be accused of or

seen that I'm just trying to over simplify life but we do as

human beings make things so complicated.

And I would just love to kind of see us unpack that a little and

just simplify things and just let each other.

Be who we are. I mean I'm sure we've noticed

that the most successful relationships are because the

couple just kind of lets you show their They are and they

enjoy each other and they love each other for who they are.

Even if that changes over the years, it's know what you need

to be this way for me. Or I need to be that way for

you. If we don't do that to each

other relationships, just become so much smoother.

And the longevity is what the real gift is such a brilliant

and amazing way to kind of shift our perspective to kind of

create that new sort of framing or Focus.

If I might share something with you this morning on my walk

today with our dog, you know, I have do daily twice a day around

with our pup walking through the neighborhood.

And I've noticed how we kind of walk around our neighborhoods

and we think we see everything, we think we know what's going on

in our environment. We think we're pretty attend,

least the up. That's for my perspective, how I

perceive it for myself. So walking through the

neighborhood today walking by Neighbor's house, you know, pass

every morning actually twice a day, usually with the dog and I

look over. And they've got kind of a little

Courtyard area in the front of their home with a little brick

retainer wall. Look at the wall today, stop for

a moment and neighbors out, taking out the trash and doing

the morning business, whatever to make the rounds.

And I look at the wall and I thinking, Hmm, that wall was

red. I know that wall was read

before, so I look at the neighborhood.

I said, hey, I see you've painted your wall white in the I

kind of Chuckles a bit and steps back and she looks at me laughs

and she says, no dear, you know, she says we've lived here for

eight years in, that wall is always been, right?

So I kind of stopped and got check myself and I've lived in

this neighborhood for 13 years of Prior, occupant lived in the

home. Never once, did it register to

me that that wall was anything other than white prior to that.

For whatever reason, you know, and I'm still wrapping my brain

around this. I thought, in perceived that

those bricks had been read all along.

Yeah, at the neighbor reasserted in reassured me with a chuckle.

No dear. You walk by every day, twice a

day. We have these interactions

regularly. We say hello, we greet each

other. We have small talk while he's

always been white. In many regards.

I feel that's how we might perceive our relationship with

ego. Our relationship to the world

is, we're very highly subjective and what we feel and think and

believe. Yet somehow we miss certain

aspects of what's really going on around us.

Wow see something that is so simple.

Can really put forth a profound message I think is really cool?

Yeah yeah I spit a good deal time.

You know, I'm edging up to this idea of ego development because

inherently within me, there's a little bit of resistance.

There's a little bit of emotionality.

This starts to come up because I see from a certain perspective

that sometimes that can be a challenging relationship but for

myself and how I also perceive others and interacting that how

we build those levels or different filters.

Yes. I mean this is something that

humans have been conflicted over 4.

I'm sure the dawn of time. So it is interesting to meet

people who are more open than others and more people who are

more closed and just you're in. Her actions with people, I

still, I'm still learning, I'm still learning because there are

people that I come into contact with that just don't want to be

told that they are wrong in any way, shape, or form.

They're fine with the way they believe.

They don't want to learn anything and that's okay.

I'm not the one for you but that's why I love the person who

I am, which is I can see both sides of something and I can

agree and disagree with someone and Not become an argument, it's

not going to end my friendship with my best friend, because she

believes one thing and I believe in another, it's just, it's just

another way to have a conversation and get to know

somebody. And for me, I love it.

I love it to me that tiptoes us up to some of that research by

Susan, cook dinner and Jan levenger, where we look at.

First and foremost, how that process of ego is a learning

process, work, developing skills were Developing different views

were developing different Frameworks or foundational views

of perspective. Mmm, how do we create a more

open and fluid ability to enter change those perspectives from

your perspective as love to hear your thoughts on that.

I think we have to trust ourselves trust ourselves to be

able to. There's the most beautiful

expression, and I've heard it from many different people, so I

can't see. Who came up with it, but do you

want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?

And I just for me when I heard that it was, just so profound.

Because so many times in a conversation, it can be about

anything, religion, politics, man, woman different.

It can be a conversation about anything and if you are just so

adamant on being right? A, you completely cut off those

other people or that other person that you're trying to

have a conversation with two, you're not going to learn Learn

anything because you're not going to be open to hearing

other people's perspective and three, you're just kind of

cutting off the opportunity to connect with someone so that's

why I may feel passionate about something but I'm never going to

argue it to the point where I am, right?

You are wrong. And that's that.

I just think that that's not how we I kind of listened.

My my feelings about it just a moment ago, but I just feel like

that we're not going to Connect with people, if that's our

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your ideal match Magic. The development of ego in

personal growth depend on our ability to trust ourselves

doing. So, we need to trust genuine

intuition feelings and decisions to make progress throughout

life. However, there are also times

when it's important to question ourselves and our intuition

concept known as the introspection illusion suggests

that our own instincts and intuition can at times, be

unreliable. Abel often.

Our decisions are made on the basis of mental shortcuts or

assumptions. Since our minds are limited

breaking away from our own Echo, Chambers means stepping back and

evaluating our own beliefs in order to do.

So we must bounce, trusting ourselves with being open to new

ideas. It's important to strike a

balance between trusting ourselves and being open to New

Perspectives yet without trusting ourselves.

We become stuck in an endless loop of Out in insecurity.

This prevents us from taking risks and discovering our

fullest potential. So from that perspective, Rachel

if you could share, but just one tip on how from your

perspective, we might become more open and available more

agreeable, sometimes, even in how we accept and acknowledge

other people's perspectives. I like the way you frame the

question because all this is true.

It is from me. It is from my experience in

this, what? I believe until I started to

trust myself, in every aspect of Rachel's life, it was impossible

for me to trust another person. So, to me, that's where you had

to lay down the foundation. You have to trust, believe, and

love yourself before you can give anything like that.

To another person. I'm gonna sit and marinate.

Net went for a minute, that is such a vast and profound insight

to kind of sit back and take in. Must we first or might we first

let me reframe that might we first Frost ourselves within the

uncertainty and insecurity wherever our emotional barometer

might be present to just simply open up to that process.

I'm shaking my head for her and Leah.

I'm going to note. Here, I'm agreeance on that.

That brings us around to me. Are you familiar with that five

Factor model of personality? I might have heard it in a

different context. So tell me what you're gonna

touch base real quick just for the context, because context

creates a lot of our meaning for the context of the conversation.

So, if I factor model of Personality looks at five core

characteristic traits that each individual can tend to display

on varying, Holes in, in varying degrees.

There's simply a way to look at our core characteristics, traits

and assets skills, if you might sometimes of how we view an

approach Life. So within that five Factor

model, we have agreeableness openness conscientiousness

extraversion and the eroticism of spend that spit that out

neuroticism. I almost said narcissism because

they are closely related but neuroticism so starting From

down the alphabet agreeableness. You know, how available in

vulnerable are we to other people becomes a core

characteristic trait. How willing are we to see?

Somebody's perspective, how open and safe are we allowing

ourselves to present the somebody.

So they feel secure to interact with us.

How emotionally available are? We in that agreeableness?

And if segues us into may be looking at openness itself.

Are we comfortable with our emotional Cycles?

Are we comfortable with considering other views?

Are we available in open to Simply allow somebody to have

and hold, whatever is Meaningful to them.

Moves us, maybe towards conscientiousness, how we're

simply. Are we of our interactions?

Our own interactions, our own Our own emotions, our own

thoughts in a healthy beneficial way.

And how also are we willing to open to those ways that might

become more adverse or sometimes unhealthy in air quotes?

You know, that simply looking at things when they might be

working in a less than favorable way.

So at the opposite ends of that, we have extraversion where we

are in kind of that fluid open state.

Or some of us we tend to develop Up a little more introversion

throughout different interactions throughout some of

our family models, throughout social settings, where can we

shift that to where we are more agreeable, open and

conscientious? Where might we simply trust

ourselves to be more vulnerable at the other end of that

Spectrum, lies neuroticism where we start to experience some of

those things that become more challenging from my perspective

to the other Four aspects. Where do we start to resist

things? Where do we start to shut down?

Where do we start to deflect, where we start to move into

reluctance avoidance or defensiveness, becoming some of

those core processes of neuroticism from that

perspective? I'm drinking all that in.

I felt inclined to kind of throw that down for your reaction

today. We'll see where that falls in

line with the conversation. Well, the whole time that you

were describing those, five pillars to me the one word that

kept coming up for me and that was so clear, was the

conscientious part because I think that if we don't have

that, then all the other four are just they're out here.

If you're not a conscious person and you don't understand or care

or I don't even know what word to use.

But if you're, if you just don't understand that there's other

people around and other people have needs and thoughts and

feelings, just like you, and you just are not aware of that.

That's, that's a dangerous place to be.

And I can honestly, tell you and your listeners that I have been

that way in my life before I've been very Unconscious and had

lots of conflict with other people and myself and just

situations, because I didn't make my self aware enough to

care about other people. So I can relate from my own

experience. That that is not a healthy.

It's not a happy place to be. So that word when I was evolving

and dealing with my past and learning about Rachel and who

she wanted to be that word for me just kept popping.

Being up and popping up and popping up, and I truly believe

that when you make a decision that you want something, the

universe literally provides every tool that you need, and I

actually did a book. This is the 28-day Consciousness

cleanse and I can't, I have the book, but I can't remember that

author. But it was just the most intense

thing that I have ever done for myself because again, your

awareness of People your awareness of how you treat other

people and your awareness of how you treat yourself, is a missing

link for a lot of us. I think and the more that we can

work on that and become conscious of this, our actions

in general. I think, I know this sounds so

froofy, but you can become such a beautiful, beautiful place for

everyone if we are conscious beings and I Think that that is

I don't know where it comes from.

If you're brought up that way, if it's a choice, you make to

not be conscious or to be kind. I haven't figured that part out

yet, but I have been able to shift from not being a conscious

person to being a very conscious person.

And I'm going to be honest with you, life is a lot easier this

way, I have to say that for me, that's the 20 million dollar

question. A lot of times we can from

certain perspective shift in, and out of That rule even within

our inner change from interaction dinner action.

It was a great fact, or a great awareness that I kind of

connected within our conversation with Kate dudes.

A coup is a social scientist studying how we interact in

those matters. And in that conversation Kate

shared How We Do tend as human beings even though we have that

automate goal to kind of align most of the time with our

authentic and genuine. Individualism, we We still have

that underlying urge sometimes to meet and match others where

they're at in the situation and Circumstance.

It's sometimes very deeply ingrained in that notion of my

authentic self, my experience, my personal perspective, my

uniqueness to wear, sometimes we blur that line of

conscientiousness. Thank you him.

And you unless I think that I hope I'm not conveying.

Your listeners. It we have to be perfect all the

time and that we don't date because we're all human.

And I think the interesting thing about making mistakes is

that you can learn from them and you can choose to behave

differently. The next time it doesn't have to

be catastrophic. I made a mistake.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

You know, and we do that to ourselves, don't we?

I mean we do that to ourselves all the time, we punish

ourselves more than anyone else, punishes us.

And I think that, To learn from our mistakes as human and it's

such, it's such a safe place to be knowing that.

Okay, I did this, I screwed up but I can behave differently

next time I can do it differently next time.

So that's that's an interesting way to look at things to write.

We can validate that measure that in that regard back to that

Susan, cook dinner, view of ego. You know, we're in that kind of

line of thinking will say line of thinking a perspective

framework, One of the core tenant is that that process is

kind of changing evolve, learn and adapt, be a nun.

Be, you know, sometimes see an unseen.

We see things one way sometimes, but then when we open to a

different view or a different conscientiousness were able to

now see things from a different perspective, sometimes that

perspective is yielding to the way someone else sees it, you

know, we go into work situations, we go into

relationships and we have one perspectives Somebody has

another. Sometimes when we get out of our

own way, we're able to Simply shift The View and move forward.

Mmm, that is the best. Another really great expression

is getting out of your own way. I mean, listen, if we recognize

that, let's be reasonable as to be fair, seven out of ten time,

we get in our own way that is really enlightening and that's

really eye-opening to all the opportunities that we talk

ourselves out of, right. Because Just don't believe in

ourselves times. I wonder how much of that arises

from our lack of awareness or conscientiousness of our

emotional Cycles, where sometimes we lead ourselves to

believe that it's all thinking. We try to think our way out, or

into certain circumstances. Yet much of that process from

one. I'm growing learning and

evolving. And Gathering is a neurological.

Process is an unconscious process.

The more I dive in, the more I Eli's, it is largely

unconscious. Now, the interesting connection

there to me to the five-factor personality mop, when we look at

neuroticism and break that down, just as the core word or label

starts off with that root word of neuro, which interrelates it

interacts with Neurology processes of neurons, processes

of energy processes that are core to the central nervous

system. Sometimes we straight down that

path. Where were blocking that flow

within that system, we block our emotions.

They stay stuck in rooted, in that system, in our brain is

disconnected. Our brain is fighting to try to

make sense or moving into those states where we just move into

that survival mode, but that was kind of interesting.

I don't know if that relevance, haven't dug back into the root

of the word, to actually, see if anybody is connected to that, if

they Have they have but to me, I can see a co-relation.

So often those ways and eroticism surfaces or putting

that block in front of us, there clouding, that view and

sometimes tripping us up all the time, tripping us up family, can

we have healthy neuroticism? You know, it's there again on

this more of those is from what I've heard from people like

Keith Campbell. Look at a viewer actually small

doses or healthy doses of Eroticism, do you sometimes bump

us toward that learning? Sometimes we have to stumble our

way forward to growth in order to get to that point.

So, one way of perhaps shifting that perspective is, are you

tripping up and falling on your face or does that kind of trip

become that next hiccup? Step that moves you forward into

that next space. Interesting way for me to kind

of. Look at Shifting, the reframing

of that. That's a big left turn, right,

turn, whatever. Listen, you can list 10 words,

that describe mind, shift, right?

Or a mindset changed? Yeah, it doesn't for me, that's

what I'm learning. You can use a tiny word, a huge

word, a syllable word. But the bottom line is this, if

we continue to tell ourselves, I'm not good enough.

I can't do this. It's never going to happen for

me. All the negative things that

swirl around in our mind, then that's what you should expect.

Of course. Yes.

But if you can shift your mindset and speak your happiness

into reality, I am, okay, I am capable, I can start a new

business and in my 50s, you say it and you keep saying it and

you believe it. And you take actions towards

those things because I think a lot of people don't realize

you're still Action towards negativity, you're still doing

things to create a negative situation.

So why would you think that you can't do the same thing for a

positive thing for me that's again, we talked about this

earlier. I know I'm making it seem simple

but has treatment B. We like to over complicate

things and just not understand that something is as simple as

I'm making a decision. And that's what I'm going to do

regardless of what that situation.

ER, or decision is you get to choose?

We get to choose for that for ourselves.

I feel so X is interesting to look at why we reject that idea

of Simplicity in any given circumstance or situation, I

don't know when it became normal and a societal thing to just

over complicate things. Maybe it's because we have so

many options, maybe, because we have so many outer influences.

I don't know. I don't know.

But But I like, hey, I'm sorry, I keep making this about me, but

when I take me that decision to trust myself and to love myself,

I didn't have to look outward for decision making or I didn't

have to look outward to anyone else to make a choice.

Now, that doesn't mean that I don't talk to my partners, like,

hey babe, I'm thinking about doing this.

What is your thoughts? Because we're sharing a life

together. It doesn't mean what he tells me

is going to change my mind or maybe it will, but the root is

that I wanted to do this and I want to share that with you.

I hope that made sense. I've seen it from my

perspective, fairly Crystal. Clear, do you think then from

that perspective, there might be times where something goes

unnoticed and we need kind of that subtle Judge to kind of

shake Us in jars, back into a different perspective I do.

I think that so many times you get all these wins in a row and

then something may not fall into place the way you want.

But instead of like before, if one negative thing, would it

happen? I would have said, okay I'm done

with this, I'm not good at this, I'm not capable.

I can't do this to change your shift in mindset to say.

Okay this is a good place to pause.

This is a place to get Her or this is a place to maybe go this

way instead of this way, but still continue on my path.

You know, here's a perfect example, I am working very

diligently in my community about getting my message with body

love out there. I've joined forces with many,

many organizations here, in Greenville, South Carolina, one

is with children. One is a women, one is with the

hospital and I had this event planned yesterday and my mom is

in town, and I was going to talk about Body love and no one

signed up before, that would have floored me.

I would have quit this, I would have gone to get a job at, you

know, Walmart or something. And I would have given up, I'm

serious. But now it's just like, okay,

this didn't happen today but that doesn't mean it's not going

to happen. Here's what I think, we need to

do for the future, we need to promote better.

I need to present on my so, whatever.

So instead now, it's like my juices are flowing, like how?

How can we make this situation better?

And I didn't take it personally because I just don't think that

people knew about it. So I just, I think it's super

interesting, how you can talk yourself in and out of doing

something because of an outside influence or experience.

So yeah, I think that that is really powerful and vital to

anyone. If you believe in yourself,

little hiccups aren't going to derail your progress.

So in that process of kind of recalling previewing or host

viewing in that case, what had transpired in that planning

were, there are instances where you turn to the community then

and said give me feedback on this, what might have been

missing. I can do that, but I can't

expect, I can't expect them to figure it out for me, so yes, I

think that's important but I also think it's important I Had

this beautiful group of women who are also in the Fitness and

Wellness space. So I'll probably be more apt to

tell them. Hey, this is what happened in

your experience and because I'm sure it's happened to everybody.

What can I do? Better.

I think the feedback would be more applicable in that

situation than maybe the community who still doesn't

really know me yet. And still doesn't really quite

understand what my messages. I hope that answered your

question. Yeah you're looking at that.

It's what Come with that expectation or that view that

they might be doing it for you. That's where my mind goes.

Hmm, what comes along with that? What feeling?

Start to come up, what perspective, starts to surface?

I think that if you really want something to be important and

successful and you want to accomplish something that you

have to figure it out yourself, I mean, Listen, there are tons

of women that helped me and motivate me and pick me up when

I'm feeling down. So I'm not saying you have to go

at it alone. You can only do every single.

I'm not saying that but what I am saying is that your core

creation of what you're trying to put out in the world, it has

to come from my values. It has to come from my beliefs

because if you present something, if I'm presenting

something to you and I don't believe it.

Not gonna believe it. So I have to get solid and what

I'm trying to give you, so you'd the takeaway is something

authentic. So that's what I mean, you have

to differentiate asking people for their advice and their help

when it's something that maybe you start and you do yourself

and then you get the support support is different for me for

me than getting someone to do the actual task for you.

You I know for myself, I sometimes struggle to allow that

to happen, you know. I struggle sometimes as odd as

that may seem with as much team involvement as we had in our

interaction to allow those people to step forward, to take

some of that responsibility to surrender.

My own need to control that from your perspective if I were to

seek your feedback and wisdom, what one tip, might you give me

to release some of that control and What might be one core thing

that keeps me from your perspective, from doing that,

you have to acknowledge your one person.

You can do everything and expect all the tiny little things to be

taken care of. So that's why we do have

administrative help and support help.

Because if you're not good at something and is something you

don't enjoy doing, you're going to let it fall by the wayside

and when you're running a successful business or a podcast

such as yourself, do you really want to do with scheduling?

People like that's the last thing you want to do, right?

You want to focus on the interview you want to make it

powerful you want to make it enjoyable for your listeners so

that's where your focus needs to be.

Let other people deal with all the tiny details and that's

what's going to make you successful.

That's what's going to make. You feel like you're presenting

your message out the way that you want it presented.

So the I do believe that you can't do everything Saying you

can't things are going to fall through the cracks.

So once you know where your strengths are you let other

people deal with their weaknesses?

And I have to say for me that has made a world of difference

as my wife and I have navigated multiple businesses, as we've

navigated building businesses for other as we've managed our

household, the more we've allowed ourselves to open up and

become vulnerable. The more things tend to flow

outward in the more successful. They become the more we kind of

form, that ability is self assess and step back and say, I

am getting a little bit of strain on my alignment.

Here I am overburdening myself, I am overstepping, my own

boundaries in eroding, my own trust, it also looking at and

saying, I'm also not going to guilt and shame myself for these

things, they just simply say. What if what, and what now, what

now, X sometimes I do fold down to a stumble and stay in the

hole or do I crawl back up and do I even look at it as a whole

to begin with? Or am I looking at it from a

more wholesome view that just simply says, it is what it is.

I think everything you said is super accurate.

I think that's such a powerful tool for all of us to adopt is

that being able to create something is not going to be, Be

super cut and dry. We have to Fumble, we have to

make mistakes, we have to try this.

We have to try that to see what's going to stick in the

long run. I mean, right now in the in the

stages of my business, I am right there in the trenches and

I am in. I'm in a place where I have to

do everything by myself. Right now, I have the support of

like I said a group of beautiful women and I had my partner and

my dad's helping me with my website, like, I mean, I'm fine.

I have support but reaching out to you're doing pod match,

reaching out to you and asking to be a guest on your podcast.

You didn't know who I was. So I'm still at those beginning

stages of creating my business, one day, I will be a household

name and you're going to be like, I remember Rachel, but I

have to be realistic. I can't go from like I have this

beautiful idea to being on the Ted Talk stage.

Like I have all this This space to cover between that and then,

but what's not going to go away is my belief that one day, I

will be on the TED Talks age. So I think that I think that

sometimes we have this beautiful idea, we have this beautiful

thing and we think it's just going to manifest well, you

know, you got to do the footwork to get there but it will happen,

but you got to do the footwork. I love that comment or quote and

all of that, then that kind of, yes, and next one.

Kind of mentality. I think that ultimately is our

core message today. How do we simply get out of the

way of some of the stumbling points is what I'm gathering

from your wisdom and knowledge today.

Thank you so much for sharing that you are so, welcome.

I want to thank you for such a beautiful conversation today.

You just fill my heart with energy and I can feel that love.

So thank you so much for being that special unique.

Why? Wise individual that you are

Rachel, thank you, I appreciate that.

That's very sweet. I think it's a wrap.

Thank you for joining us. Get any better than that, right?

Oh and this what I'm saying? Sometimes you hear that one

thing. It's like I know that just hit

it out of the park for me. I can see you light up when you

hit that purpose and passion, and those core values.

Those core values that are those principles, that's driving that

These are the things that matter when I engage them in these are

the things that I also reflect out in those core values of

others. So, thank you for giving me that

take away today. Thank you for sharing that take

away with our listeners, where can our guests go to connect

with the book donut Diaries and find out more about how to form

a new relationship with their self image.

Absolutely, my book is available on Amazon.

You can get there through my website.

Rachel lat And wellness.com or go straight to Amazon.

You can also find me on social media under Rachel, love and

wellness LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.

That's where I draw the line on my social media, Presence at

this time, and can't miss me. Because I'm every picture I

purposely put me holding my book.

So you're like, there's that's where people can find a

fantastic. I encourage our listeners to

reach out and connect with You do have such a all inspiring

empowering message and I encouraging everybody to reach

out and connect with you. Oh, thank you for having me.

It was awesome. I'm glad you gave me the

opportunity. Healthy ego development, plays a

crucial role in fostering selflessness and improving our

self-concept as individuals progress through different

stages of ego development. We undergo a transformation that

leads us to a more inclusive and compassionate perspective, both

for our Our core self and towards others.

The shift towards selflessness occurs as individuals, develop a

broader understanding of their own identity and the

interconnectedness of humanity. Simultaneously.

Ego development, enhances self-concept.

And by promoting self awareness, self acceptance, and a deeper,

understanding of personal values, and strengths growth of

ego development allows, the individuals to transcend egoic

desires and attachments. I will cultivating a sense of

purpose and meaning that extends beyond our own self-interest,

empowering us to reach New Heights as human beings.

If you found this message meaningful, please share it with

a friend, or loved one and as always, we're grateful for you,

our valued listening Community. This is been the light inside.

I'm Jeffrey biesecker.

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