Uncovering Your Soul Blueprint For Happiness: Making Friends With Your Ego

This is the light inside. I'm Jeffrey. Be sicker, hurry go. There is no function of our human existence that receives a were strap than this essential and necessary characteristic throughout our lives. We Harbor deep insecurities and fears enclosed within our ego. Healthy ego can play an important role in developing healthy self concept because it allows an individual to have a bounced sense of self-esteem and self-worth. An ego in this context, refers to an individual sense, of self, including thoughts, emotions, and our behaviors.

When we have a healthy ego, we're able to accurately assess our strengths and weaknesses without becoming overly defensive for self-critical. We take responsibility for our actions and decisions without feeling ashamed or gift allowing us to have a greater sense of confidence in our abilities, which leads us to a greater sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. When the Individual has a healthy sense of self. They are less likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as jealousy possessiveness or controlling behaviors.

They are also more likely to attract, positive and healthy relationships as they are able to form connections with others based on both mutual respect and Trust. Overall a healthy ego can contribute to a healthy sense of self concept by helping us develop a balanced sense of self-esteem, confidence and healthy interactions with others today, We discover how a healthy ego, is not only an essential asset developing a healthy self concept. It's also beneficial in our overall growth in personal Evolution.

Sure our egos can have their downsides. It much like our emotions. They can also get the better of us yet. They also lead us to become our best selves. Our Guest Julia Wesley is a teacher medium and soul blueprint heal in this episode. She shares how learning to love our egos allows us to become more more accepting of ourselves while also finding peace and happiness with it. Tune in to find out how when we return to the light inside. When it comes to mobile service providers with their High rate plans, extra fees and hidden costs or expenses.

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The concept of ego strength, has a long history in Psychology, dating back to Freud's, three-tiered model of personality in which the ID, the ego and the super-ego, or each intertwined, due to numerous contributions. Since then this, another 40 and Concepts have significantly been overhauled by many of his followers, such as Adler Union and Fromm, commonly known as the Neo Freudian sense. A key element was added in place of Freud's. Deacon pessimistic view of human nature. Therefore a more empowering understanding of human behavior and personality as taken flight AS primarily social and scope and self determined by intrinsic motivation, by developing self awareness, and understanding our unique strengths and weaknesses.

We can learn to love our ego and create a life filled with joy and purpose. The question arises, why is it healthy ego, essential to your personal and relational, well-being, and healthy ego can play an important. Important role in developing a healthy self concept because it allows an individual to have a balanced sense of self-esteem and self-worth an ego in this concept refers to an individual's sense of self, including thoughts, emotions and behaviors, when an individual has a healthy ego. They are able to accurately assess their strengths and weaknesses without becoming overly defensive or self-critical.

They can take responsibility for their actions and decisions without feeling ashamed or guilty. Julia share with us how a healthy ego, allows an individual to have a sense of confidence in your abilities. Leading us to a greater sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. I think and where I usually start on this topic is that I see the ego as a function of perspective. So your unique perspective is your ego and what is truth or what is untruth is going to be somewhat subjective. Active to your interpretation.

So what we have to do is we have to delineate, at least, this is what I do. And what I recommend people do between what is a healthy ego and what is traumatized ego? And a traumatized ego is typically that part of you, that catastrophize, has that gets anxious, that worries and social situations that is afraid that it will be. Cut out from the herd. Yeah, success or failure. Sometimes, you know, sometimes that notion of failure in viewing things as a failure can become an ego response. Oh yes. 100% 100%.

And that ego responses, of course, just trying to keep you safe, right? Because it wants like, evolutionarily it wants you to belong. So, anytime you feel, as if you're a failure, anytime you feel as if you're weird, anytime you feel, as if you don't fit, you're going to get a little anxious and sized. It's not always 100% your fault. A lot of these things we latch onto is kids and, you know, there's just certain things that you can take responsibility for. And there are certain things that you're like I'm going to cut myself some slack on this.

When you're a kid cut yourself some slack on this, right? We learn that being excluded hurts, we learned that sometimes being our self is not accepted and that hurts and The Schism where we think not where we think being our self is not going to give a success or love, or happiness, your acceptance in life and then so that's when we start building this identity on this traumatized ego. And this is where this idea of the truth being somewhat subjective comes into play because you're learning about yourself.

You're not being truthful to who, you know, you are and So anything that is filtered through that false overlay, as I call it, it's going to be a little bit distorted. Your perception of yourself is going to be a little bit distorted. So then the way that you view the world, what you think you want, what you think makes you happy, what you think makes other people happy is going to be a little off as well.

So often we're filtering, as you mentioned through that, subjectivity subjectivity being rooted in its simple. In our emotional response, reaction or perception of things. So, often versus that objectivity of this simply is way is, right? It's an over simplification. But so often, that's the easiest way to define a, my just responding and reacting based on my past experience, based on this present experience, how I think it feel about it. Or am I truly being objective to be vulnerable to allow things to Simply, Be what they are.

Let's that's a tough state so often for us for any of us, to open up to. Hmm. And it's that sort of emotional subjectivity, trying to figure out, because it's hard to place truth on emotions, right? It's not one of those things that we can quantify. So, it's all you, right. That's also not to say that we are to govern and try to manipulate and cajole where our emotional state is. You know, my Mantra of the show, could be think it feel it process. It release it. You know. We so often speak to that.

Very simple process. Yes, that allows is simply to say, this is what I'm feeling. This is where I am present. This is what I'm aware of how. Then do I make sense? And meaning of what I'm experiencing allow that to be simply let go and then create what ultimately becomes Comes a more productive fulfilling. Joyful reaction to. Yeah. Exactly. And that really leads into what I was trying to get at, is that your emotional response, whether it's comfortable or uncomfortable, it's going to lead you to the truth of you.

So, when I am talking about a truth most often, I'm talking about the truth of you, right? And when you're experiencing something that you Want to, it doesn't feel good to you or most often when I work with people on what I call their blueprint which is like the original plan their ego, really, and a healthy expression. I'm trying to get to the truth of who they are and so we have to get down to the bottom of well what's getting in the way of you being who you are and often times, it's this belief of who we think we need to be what we think we want all of these expectations.

Stations. We have placed on ourselves that we've adopted from other people and a lot of the times those expectations, they feel like garbage when you hold them inside of you, they feel really bad and if you're still operating off the traumatized, you go perspective, where you don't feel as if you're good enough, that unpleasant emotion is just going to be fuel to ignore the feeling. So you're going to double down most often. And on that thing that doesn't feel true for you. And so I think the emotional response you could all you could, I guess you could call it an emotional truth.

Because we're talking about what feels right in through to you is really a good guide, post back to yourself no matter how you respond to it, really. Because if you respond to that emotional truth in a way where you want to walk everything back, if you take a second and you pay attention, like you were talking about before no matter how hard that is, right? And not saying it's easy. It gives you the opportunity to say, put a, I'm going to put like a mental pin that and I'm going to recognize or pay attention to when I do that again.

And that's going to point me out to perhaps another truth that I have been overlooking, or I have been ignoring, I've been pushing aside yo. So often that very active expectation, can become an ego trait. Your the ego is looking forward, in a manner, that's starting to judge. Our perception starting to judge our interaction starting sometimes to reel us back. Looking at comparison to the past that can become a very egoic trait if we allow that power to step into our lives. So often, we have to realize when those voices are filtering through that ego filter and say, how am I simply aware of this present moment and how I Great Value and meaning from it.

Yeah, the present moment, right? And I think that's the whole expectation, the moving forward. Going ahead. What's further down the line for me is that I think is often times like you were saying ego and in particular, what I would have referred to as the traumatized ego because we expect happiness to be ahead of us rather than happiness is something that we can have right now. And when you're not living in truth with who you are, you can't have happiness right now. It's always something that is has to be achievable later because you have to modify yourself in order to get it, you have to change who you are in order to just see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And it's always gonna be just Out Of Reach because you never really can change who you are at your truth, right? Because that's what makes you happy and when you're constantly trying to push it away, when you're constantly trying to fit other people's expectations or even your own expectations of what you think you should want, you'll have Happiness will always be something that's in front of you. Instead of something that's inside of you. Looking at that destination rather than just being present and being grateful, being fulfilled, experiencing things with love all of those things that ultimately signal that simple Act of fulfillment, that simple state of fulfillment, more than anything, you know, is it a willful act or do we just simply embrace it?

that's a question for each of us to look at exam and become aware of and personally find Value and meaning Yeah, it's oftentimes. When I'm working with someone on this subject of, how do I find fulfillment and meaning in who I am, it does come back to the present moment and oftentimes people think that they don't have anything in the present moment. I don't like who I am. I don't like my situation. I don't feel as if I have anything. I don't feel as if anyone truly loves me and it comes down to and the sounds corny, but it comes down to To you not loving yourself.

Yes, because you don't like yourself because you don't like this version that you've created of yourself. And if you don't have someone to point out that you actually do like yourself, you just don't like who you think you are. Sometimes you can run the risk of thinking that who you are, isn't likable. And that's not true, right? If you were to remove all other variables and you were to just say I'm free to live as who I I am, you would be having so much fun happiness would be in your present moment and it's important to remember that who you think you are.

And why you're not happy, usually are the same there. There's a causal relationship there. It's the same reason. So it's always we see what we exactly what we hope to see when we look in the mirror of ourselves. We often see that very reflection back that that expectation is projecting. We often see where that belief It is, if we change that belief, we gravitate toward that which we truly believe. Yeah. And sometimes it's hard to see that belief, right? Because we've accepted it as the situation normal, right?

Like that's just how that is and you would recognize it if you could step outside of it a little bit and that's sometimes what's so hard about trying to change those beliefs, right? Has, you know, you don't like something. But it's something that's just so obvious. Like, like, like we breathe every day, right? And of course, there's oxygen in the air, but we don't point it out to ourselves, you know. It's just one of those things that's so natural and normal. And okay, we've accepted this as true that's often was happening.

When you're uncomfortable with yourself, you're unhappy with yourself, you've accepted something as completely. Okay, fine. And you're just your Looking at that reflection and you're like why don't I like you and that it is a belief and that's a great question. If we find ourselves in that space. Hmm why do I not like myself and what do I allow to let go? What do I release and how then do? I uncover that core thing that I truly love ya uncovering, the That that core thing, that you truly love sometimes getting to, that is more of a question of what is, if I'm looking in the reflection, I don't like who I see.

And I think to myself, what is that thing that I'm terrified to let go of and it's either because There's you believe that about yourself and you're ignoring that belief, it's almost never true. You know, it's, it's almost always something like, I have this belief that this is who I am and I can't be happy if it's true. So I think that's who I am. But I'm going to pretend as if I'm not we get gets so convoluted it really can. We can twist ourselves into knots in her mind. It's we like to think that it's cut and dry, right?

I believe that I'm a nurse. But, um, I'm gonna pretend that that doesn't make null oftentimes. It's I believe that I'm horrible at loving people and so I have to be a paramedic so that I can try and train myself to like that and it's the idea that you have to train yourself to like that. That is so corrosive to you, you know, because maybe you're really great at loving other people, but maybe you have felt somewhere along the line that the way you People wouldn't be accepted, maybe someone brushed it aside when you were a kid, or maybe you've tried to reach out to people and they weren't in a place to accept it.

And so you thought the problem was you, right? And that's the whole traumatized blame yourself, internalized, this trauma, sort of a reaction, but if you can get to that point where you can say, that's the thing that I'm terrified to acknowledge, and to change a lot of the times we think we have to change it, but a lot. Lot of more often, it's just that we need to change our perception of what that is because that thing you're afraid of. It's not that it's true. It's just that your interpretation of it's probably wrong and that comes brings us back to this idea of what is truth, right?

And usually usually I don't want to say we don't know but a lot of us are operating as if we know what the truth is, and if you're unhappy, I'm gonna wager that you probably Not so often. When we view the ego, we often label it, the Shadow Self, it often gives that stigmatism. No to, to that regard. It becomes that scary thing in the closet or under the bed that in and of itself can start that perception. That belief that it's this thing that's challenging us. It's this thing. We struggle with, it's all of these things.

Things that weigh us down rather than freeing us and liberating us. Bring truth and awareness to students. How do we effectively bring awareness to the aspects of the ego? That might need explored might benefit from healing? You know, I need so this is there are a couple things to this. So the first is typically when were talking about the ego, all those things that were sort of shoving down that sort of The bully monster or that, you know, that thing under our bed or under the rug. It's typically we're talking about trauma.

So, all of our trauma, and all of these unpleasant things that we don't want to experience that don't feel good in our body that sort of create this. What a lot of people would call like a neurotic response from themselves. They stuff that. And what we call the ego, that thing that we don't like that. No one else likes that gets shamed quite often. And that in my experience is often a real source of disassociation from who you are. It's not so much. How do we dig that out? Because we can never really truly push it aside.

It's always stored within us, it's more or less. How can I look at it and compassion and try to actually understand what that wound is. Because that's how we get back to this idea of a healthy ego, right? Where and this is where my philosophy comes in, is the healthy. Ego is really just it. When I think of Consciousness all slant this way, the way it's always been explained to me and through my guides is that your ego It's just one way of God viewing itself. And so when I think of Consciousness and when I think of all the infinite, millions, billions of beings that are out there from the smallest, Flight of the most complex, Consciousness or creature, that you can think of, it's God viewing itself through a kaleidoscope and all of these different egos are just different refractions of the same truth.

It's a different interpretation. It's a different way of. Just seeing the same thing. It's a different way of Ian seeing the ultimate truth and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. And when we think about the ego, we think that there's something inherently wrong with it. And that's, of course, it's a human perspective and I know I am perhaps anthropomorphizing when I say that animals have an ego, but if you've ever had a dog, you know, that they have their own personality and they have, that's an ego, your personality is a little point of individuation.

And that's all really your ego is just individuation, what makes you you, what makes you a little bit different than someone else? And that's fun. That's the universe playing, right? And we have all of this shame in this blame of well, I'm different. So I hate myself just a little bit and then it continues to build and it continues to build and your unique perspective, starts to get a little bit cloudy. D and a little bit staticky and a little bit twisted, even if you can really hate yourself. And so that's when that's the ego that we think of, that's when we start to become maybe a know-it-all maybe arrogant, maybe, depressed, maybe anxious.

And that's all the stuff that we sort of try and put in a lock box and our minds and we call that thing, the Eco we don't touch that. So what we're going to do especially in spiritually, Communities is we're going to get rid of our ego. We're going to say that that's horrible and that's awful. And we're going to come into this sort of universal Consciousness perspective where we lose ourselves in the all and I'm not saying that that's an advantage perspective but I don't think it's helpful to condemn pain or trauma or really what we're doing at the core of it is condemning your unique experience and you're condemning who you are.

I don't find that helpful and I actually find that. That within ourselves with that unique experience to deny the ego to be traumatic. I know that I've tried it. You know, when you first get into a spiritual practice, the whole thing is to do you have to get rid of your ego, you're not unique, you're not special, you know, you're more special than anyone else. But and I think it's a worthwhile experience to be able to touch sort of a universal Consciousness and to Lose Yourself a little bit because it expands your mind.

But I also find it even more useful to bring that back to a human perspective. And to say, well what can my experience be with this knowledge that I'm not the center of the universe, right? That I'm just a part of it. What can my experience be like? How can I expand my perspective? And that I think is the point of the ego to really honor who you are and to honor the universes. Has hopes and dreams for you. Such a yin and yang effect of energy flow, there of that, she of life that balance. So often we have to bring awareness where that very egoic Act of Judgment of ourselves of others.

The things around us. Is creating that block is creating that limited flow of all of that potential. Yeah and it really comes down to and I'm speaking from experience. So I'll speak for myself, I won't speak for everyone else but it is very common for you to be judging yourself. And other people can judge you and that does hurt and they do. They do that. But it's when you start to believe them when you accept that as true, and you start judging yourself is when that little is when separation starts to occur.

And it's not separation from the all, but it's separation from yourself. You start can't to condemn yourself. You start to judge yourself and I mean, I can think of this as early as back in, like, first grade, Raid when I started being like, oh well I guess I'm not. Okay I guess that's something I need to change about myself and there was nothing wrong with it. I don't even know what it was. Maybe someone didn't want to play with me or something and it's something as small as that paying attention to the small judgments.

It doesn't have to be some sort of big blow up or fight that you got into someone where they just rip you a new one. It's really in the small little things that's it's more corrosive than anything. It's sort of like, Acid being dripped on the love that you have for yourself little bit by little bit. And it, it's that little space and it seems odd, but then you even start to judge your trauma, right? How can I, how can I love myself? If I am, someone, who's so depressed all the time? How can I love myself?

If I'm, someone who's so anxious all the time? And I guess You're right, that's hard. I've been there and For me, it was coming back to remembering a time when I didn't hate myself. And I'm like, well, what was so different about that time? Who's so different about the person? I am? Now, the person I was before I couldn't stand myself and it's not that I didn't care about other people's opinions because I still do, I can't help but I'm human, but I cared more about my opinion of myself and that sounds sort of like pep talk nonsense.

Yeah, but when we're talking about moving away from judgment. That's really what it is in my experience, it's been not judging your trauma and not judging your response to trauma and not blaming yourself for forgetting who you are and not blaming yourself for no longer loving who you are. Because when we get deep down into it, if you want to talk about layers of beliefs and and mindset, what we really do is we blame ourselves for not loving who we are down at the bottom of it. And that is really what is traumatic as when you stop loving yourself because it feels and I don't mean to be really religious about this, but it feels as if God no longer loves you either, how can they whoever you think God is or not Universe?

Whatever. How can they love you? If you can't love yourself, you're not worthy of that love. And that in itself is a trauma. That's another thing that we put into the eagle lockbox. And we say, well, let's forget about that, and let's just try and move forward trying to You where you're supposed to be. And so often that lockbox is storing that act of validation. I don't mean to be, whoo, I don't mean to be overly positive about this. I don't mean to be religious. So often were stepping into that role of the validator.

I have to justify to something rather than just embracing that self-love that true. Through inner being and just allowing it to flow forth. We label that, and then place the expectation on, we judge it, we dissect it. We pick it apart, we load it with all of this garbage and junk, and throw it in a lock box. So to speak, hmm. Rather than just allowing it to Simply flow throughout our being. Yeah. And I think I think that's the thing right is The validating we want us to be validated and we want to validate other people as well.

It's a natural reaction. We want to make other people feel comfortable because we want other people to, like, us. That's just human nature. And when we, we get into this sort of double bind where by validating other people, we invalidate us to sort of Give them concession. Especially they have a different belief than we do and it has to get to this point where I got in and this comes back to my idea of ego, where everyone has their own unique perspective on purpose, so I can validate someone else's belief on the spiritual without invalidating my own.

Because I understand that that's part of the plan of the universe, right? And so, by Honoring who I am. I'm also better able to honor who someone else's because I'm not lying about it. I'm not saying, oh well, I'm just saying this because I want you to like me. It's like, well, I'm honoring your perspective because I think your perspective is unique, you know? And I think that that's really interesting, and, you know, it's, it's like I eat vegan and there are a lot of people There, who cannot stand vegans, and I get it there.

A lot of preachy vegans out there, they're looking for validation to come from the outside. They want the world to reflect their internal environment, right? And so they judge and condemn other people who don't also follow that path. And to me, I don't really see that as a truth because, you know, back Lynn humans were not Not living and, you know, pre-made houses and we actually had to go out and forage and get food meat was on the table and there was actually a beautiful way of honoring that, you know, that being you just killed to sustain yourself.

That way doesn't really exist anymore. It's all factory farming. And I don't want to get into that different, right? And When you judge someone, for the way that they're living, when you condemn them, right? Even if you're lying, you, even if you say to their face, oh know what that's fine. I honor your perspective or whatever, but, you know, internally, you know that you're lying. It's not helping anything because that other person can feel that, condemnation, and that judgment, and you can feel it within yourself, right?

And so, it's coming to this point of well, maybe at the core of it right there. Is some truth to that, maybe we're all just doing the best that we can in the environment that we live in and judging ourselves and other people is not going to be the best way to change. Anything is not going to be the best way to live in harmony if that's your values or maybe it's not the best way to live an Integrity if that's a value for you and it's that whole, you know, condemnation thing that takes us away from that.

Ultimate goal and everyone's values I think as unique to them as they are bring us back to this. Ultimate goal of Oneness and if we each honor who we are in our individuality and our egos, then we can get back to that idea of wholeness and Oneness because it's like an icy sort of this idea of the ego and Consciousness as like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Mmm. It's the same picture but Everybody's a different piece and some pieces look very similar and some pieces look very different but it's all necessary.

Everyone needs to be themselves in order to create this picture. Not everyone can be the same because you'll never make the right picture. It'll just be one little piece of the truth repeated over and over again. Nobody learns anything, Nothing fits, right? So that's how I, that's how I see the value and things being. Indifferent and not condemning someone or yourself for having that difference. Embracing that and allowing that to Simply form and become your truth. We talked throughout some of our earlier discussions about what you saw as some of the same posts or signals in guides, that allow us to begin this journey.

What are some of those signpost, which begin to signal and guide us through this work?

I can't remember what I told you. I'm just gonna Start again, oftentimes with you on the hot seat, it has been what a month. Yeah, I hope this is the same, but oftentimes people are unsatisfied. They're unhappy in their life and they're looking for some sort of deeper meaning, or they're looking for some sort of purpose as to who they are. And what? They're doing and when they come to me, they're often looking for direction, they're looking for, Who Am I, who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing?

And I can never really tell you what you're supposed to be doing because you are your own person and I can tell you that you would really be great at, I don't know, being a second grade teacher. And if you're like, I hate kids. We're not doing that. I'm going to be like, okay, well it's your show you get to call the shots but oftentimes what I do show to people are qualities of who they are. And it's these qualities that either were not recognizing in ourselves or we're not honoring or we're not getting any sort of validation or we're not saying oh that's worthwhile and that's useful in the world needs that.

And when we don't recognize that, maybe you're great with children, Aaron or maybe you love explaining things to people and maybe you like, you really love helping people. Find that Eureka moment, you get so excited when you see a flash of understanding on someone's face and it's those little things right. That fuel your purpose. But, you know, when we're unsatisfied and unhappy, it's often because we don't recognize that within ourselves, but more often, I'm going to double down on this. It's that we don't see the value in it.

So we don't see. Value and who we are. And so we're deeply unsatisfied in our life, and we sort of feel discontented, it's just sort of feels like we're sleepwalking through our life. Was that on the list? I hope that was on the list,

that's a great point. Because so often we are operating on that subconscious pattern, our mind forms our entire reality based on patterns to the best of all scientific knowledge. Hmm. So it's not to say We're passing a judgment on those patterns. We simply become aware of what patterns were engaging and then how do we make those patterns? Become more effective, more effective and create significant meaning? Yeah, yeah, and I think a lot of the Transformer talking about patterns, it's the fun ones that we don't place any valuing even though that's the one you need to be paying attention to, we see And as childlike and when you're an adult and things, get serious, and you're ready to get to work, you're like, oh well if it's fun, but that's just that's just play and it may be fun for you to be a second grade teacher.

You know, maybe there are aspects of it that are really enjoyable to you, but maybe you don't see, you know, playing with kids, all day is something that's, you know, how is that going to change the world? Or how is that going to make my life meaningful? You know? Because cuz you are devaluing it, you know, and that's a pattern that you need to be aware of often times in a session with me and you're like, oh well I never really thought of that. And I guess, you know, that's you sort of falling into the pattern of brushing aside who you are and that's easy to do, right?

Because who we are, we're usually talking about our inner child, and we call it the inner child because when we were a kid, most of us. Had the opportunity to just freely Express who we are, you know, maybe a lot of us were into bugs and maybe it's not cool to be into bugs anymore. So we don't talk about bugs as much, but maybe you would have loved to be, you know, an entomologist. You maybe you would have loved to go into the rainforest and be a conservationist or in anything like that, but you're like, that's unrealistic.

That's not, you know, that's not cool. Maybe your your fun pattern is being a parent and maybe you're like I would love to be a dad or I would love to be a mom. I'd love to be a stay-at-home dad you know, like and Society has been like, oh well raising kids like come on, do something do something more, you know? And so that's also something that we brush aside and we devalue ourselves. It's sort of like we're preemptively doing the work of society, you know, when maybe Society changes all the time so you know, perspectives change and pay attention to what Pat?

And you're repeating what patterns are not your own and what patterns are actually fun for you, what patterns would you repeat? Just because you enjoy doing it. That's what you need to pay attention to. Because when we're trying to talk about changing patterns, again, it does come down to paying attention to them, but why change? Because we can talk all day about changing but doing the actual change is a completely different thing. Right? There needs to be some sort of motivation. Ian, why are we changing?

Why would I continue to change? Why am I following this new pattern instead of this old pattern? Which is so familiar and I know how to do it in my sleep. There has to be some sort of internal internal combustion internal motivation and if it's not fun maybe it's because you you need to feel needed and that's fine or you need to feel as if other people will respect you and love you and that's fine. Of course, we're talking about that one. We're also talking about loving and respecting yourself having your own.

You know, internal reasoning is going to be different for everyone, but having it is the same for everyone and that's how you change patterns in my experience. No, that can be as complex of a process as you personally. Choose to make it. I'm gonna lean on that and kick that candidate. Because so often the pattern is We don't learn till we fail, we grow through challenge, we grow through adversity, we are programmed with those patterns Ad, nauseam. And then wonder, why the hell we see everything is such a challenge.

Yeah, yes, nature in itself runs on patterns, none of those patterns are overly complex than patterns in nature are beautifully complex in there, simplexity, you Get the Fibonacci code, for example, you can look at and notice the basic structural patterns in all being, there's nothing overly complex, once you zero in and go to the core view of things, our lives are nothing but a mirror of Nature and they only become as complex as the human mind chooses to make them. Oh yeah, yeah. And we can make anything complicated.

Yeah, it's simple in that very view. Is, is it a simple? Yes. Choice, whereas a simple now. Yeah and once you start there, it's an unraveling, you know, do you want to continue to pile on? Do you want to continue to pile one that's up for each of us to determine what creates significant value and meaning for us? If it's more meaningful for you, you'll find it, if it's more meaningful to create all the problems to see it as a failure. You're to see this Challenge and struggle, you'll find it. But there's also another way that so often get swept under the rug and that's simply to just change that view.

Yes. Yeah. And you know, there is something that you said earlier about growing in adversity and I like to challenge this assertion. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I think that there is a better way to grow and to learn because I think adversity Give me a kick in the pants and it doesn't necessarily force you to grow, but it says okay. Now it you actually have to do it you know because you have that capacity the whole time and so I think it shortens the growth period but I don't think it's the cause for growth, right?

I think that we actually grow enjoy and learn in fun and play a lot easier than we do in suffering. And this sort of turns a lot of convention on its head but I don't think pain is a good teacher. I think pain is a really terrible teacher. I think pain is is prama. I mean, when we're talking about the ego, we're talking about pain and Trauma and what have we learned from Pain? And Trauma? Often times, we learn to ignore pain often times. We learn to put it in that lockbox and then ignore it and be someone different, so that we don't have to experience the pain of being Selves and that's what pain usually teaches us.

Because most of us when were in pain, we revert back to unconscious, responses that's that knee-jerk curl into yourself or run away or pick a fight, sort of, you know, fight flight freeze, that sort of thing. And I don't really think that teaches you anything worthwhile. I think it just, I really think it's just sort of prolongs The lesson Melanie. Even in the pain, it all becomes wet one might make of it? Yes. Yeah. What one might make up? Yeah, that eliminates you what you make of it, you know, that starts to become our own egoic projection.

What one might make up? Yeah. We're trying to become as neutral as humanly possible, right? Yeah. And you're right. It is what Makes of it and when you're someone who's practiced a lot of equanimity or maybe you're really practiced at studying your own responses and taking that step back and moving into that space of neutrality and seeing things as an opportunity then we can sort of maybe take a bird's-eye view of pain and see. Okay, well, where's the opportunity within it? But a lot of us have not done that.

I think a lot of us revert back to the pain is bad. I Must be small in order to not feel pain. Any time I grow, I feel pain, anytime I get big, I feel pain. So let's be small again and let's not grow really. And, and actually, I learned this through dealing with my own mental health issues, depression and anxiety, and like I keep trying to learn through pain and I just keep getting back to the same spot. So what happens if I stopped trying to make myself uncomfortable to grow? What if I make Self comfortable.

What's in my comfort zone? Am I happy there? Can I grow through, happiness? Is it enough to be happy? Can I be so happy that I look for more happiness? Can I grow that way? And can I learn that way? And when I work with a client, that's what I encourage. I say, Okay, this may hurt. Let's try this instead. Let's not ignore our pain, but let's recognize that there's more than pain and perhaps. We're in pain right now because we're forcing something or, you know, often times we think of it as well, you're denying something.

So that's why it hurts. That's the thing. But I think a lot of the times it's because we're forcing something, I'm forcing myself to stay where I am even though I know it would be better for me to move. I'm forcing myself to stay in this job because of the benefits of the pay even though I know that it's sucking the life out of me or, you know, I'm forcing myself to be in this relationship because It's one that is supposed to be good for me. It looks great on paper. This is how I grow if I just put more effort into it.

If I just you know work with this person more I work on myself or it more, it will be better because we're supposed to grow through adversity. We're supposed to grow through pain, you know, no pain, no gain and I say no, I don't like that. What happens if you let go of the thing that is hurting you, You create room for something that feels good and we're stuck in this idea that in order for something to be worthwhile or meaningful, or to achieve something, it has to suck a little bit. There has to be some sort of adversity, and I'm going to, I'm going to call my dad out a little bit on this, because he says, says it's a lot.

He says it's called work. It's supposed to suck and I'm like, that's a common belief that people have a smoke. Henry and where does it come from parents? Not to judge our parents, not to belittle our parents, not to miss our parents small. But that is a pattern that can often become ineffective non-productive living. Exactly, it's basis. And I believe that these patterns work for us in the most, it has to suck. Exactly right. Maybe that was something. Ian that you know, that.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Value in it when it does suck chain. Yes, yes. Yeah. And that's what either through sister either in its complete being changed process, change your reaction. Sometimes change your perspective. Often is the easiest way. Mmm, Yeah. Well if it isn't go telling you you need to get out of your own. Damn way. Yeah. And our children, the children that are coming in and the children that we have and that we raise, they often challenged those patterns because they weren't born into them and they can see you and see these things and they're like, why are you doing this?

Why have you accepted this as truth? Can I challenge this a little bit for you and so his children me and my brother. We asked him. What do you say? That it doesn't have to suck, but he used that that was a useful pattern to him in order to get him through a stressful uncertain time, you know. He's the nose to the grindstone sort of a thing but that's a, you know, that's a, that's a pattern to pay attention to, but he thought that if I just suffer through this, if I just put my head down and keep going on the other side of it, it will be better.

And it I'm not saying you two were moving have spent my entire life. Life waiting for that. What if it might get better? Yeah. Mmm. Why waste an entire lifetime in this life to get to that resolved? Yeah, yeah I think oftentimes the things that we think will make us happy will not bring us Safety and Security Safety and Security. What can we truly control? Can we truly control that in and of itself? Off can become an egoic notion. It can become rooted. In that idea. Am I safe? Am I truly In Harm's Way?

Yeah, yeah. So let's say that you're someone who just lights up when you dance, you want to be a professional dancer, everyone tells you, this is crazy, everyone tells you that there's no way you're going to make it. There's no way you can make money doing that. And so you're like, I guess I'll go to school for finance, you know, because Apparently, that can't keep me safe. That can't keep me in money. That can't keep me sheltered that can't feed me. And so you go. All right? And so, then, you develop the mindset, that work is supposed to suck in order to survive in this world, things have to suck a little bit and that's the dangerous pattern because then you'll adapt that mindset for other things in your life.

Well, you know, it's family its supposed to suck in air or well. You know, it's it's nice grocery store, it's supposed to suck. Yeah, automatic mode starts to kick in, you know, you just start to who bitch Ali, react and respond in that way. Yeah, absolutely. Than seeing it for the pattern that it has in saying, what sense, what value, what meaning can I make of this? Hmm. Yeah and it's not always easy to find that value in it because that's sometimes. Why is it not always easy? Because helmet, that's interesting.

So let's say that you're going through something, so easy to fall in that, I'm only pointing that out because often I find myself falling into those patterns and when you do sometimes, you just stop and say, wait a minute, is it always not easy? Yes. That just the belief we've sold ourselves to and tied our boat to we're sailing up River to floating wherever The boat drifts and takes us. Yeah, absolutely. So it definitely could be a pattern, but sometimes, I think it's because it had it sucks and you hate it.

And so, you should do something different and and we can find meaning and things that suck. And sometimes that meaning is, I need to change. I need to do something different. I need to do something that gives me a little bit of freedom. I need to give myself the opportunity to fly, just think less about that light. Inside. Hey, good morning guys. You did it. We guiding us. Yes, exactly. Yeah, 100% because you know what you need, you know what you want and it's being courageous enough to oftentimes fly in the face of convention and Forge your own path, and that may seem lonely.

But I would wager that it's not any lonelier than pretending to be someone. You're not, I'll just simply traveling. This Arc of existence through this being we call Life. Yeah, we're all connected in some manner floating through that thing. Hmm, it only becomes lonely when we start to search for that. Meaning that says it's loneliness. Yeah, you took your, let's not diminish that there are times we simply find ourselves in that place. Mmm, it's not to diminish. Anyone that is in that journey in that.

Variants. It can often happen. I felt it. You may have felt it others. Often feel it. It's not something we all do. Very few things in life are something we all do. Yeah that's the ego itself saying, I want to generalize and compact everybody into the space. Bring them into my control, bring them into my view, bring them into my suffering, bring them into my pain. Yeah, we don't all have to do. A damn thing. Yeah. But we create that concept that we do that. Yes it is. It is the ego. I think also we assume basic what we assumed we basic things that are common amongst everyone.

We say everyone feels pain a certain way or love certain way or fear certain way, but we don't really know someone's internal experience. That's something that we really can't quantify or study that experience began. Exactly. It might have started back before. You're even conceived traveling through that energy of our past of our parents of our generational connection, through are very experienced. In the womb, there's plenty of potential evidence to say, we start to form those things and connect with those energies at that pond.

Oh yeah, epigenetics which it in my field would be more like ancestral wounding or healing. If you go into that that definitely informs your perspective on things because you're carrying that forward it's in your energy. You know it's part of what helped make your physical form here. And so that's going to inform the way that you see the world to a certain degree, and everyone's is a little bit different, you know, and it back to what you were saying before. Where did it start? Where did someone's anger start?

People feel. Maybe you feel anger in your head. Maybe I feel it in my Stomach and we try and use these things to unify us. Everyone feels the certain way about this or everyone, you know, but you don't know that that's not necessarily true and that's not to make you feel lonely, right? It's to help you understand that your experience is unique and everyone's experiences unique. Everyone feels lonely in the same way, you do to contradict myself because everyone is a little bit different, you know.

No, there are some puzzle pieces, people who just don't Vibe and they just don't fit well together. And you can just say, okay, well this is not the best fit, this is not where we can act if we're all a jigsaw puzzle. My puzzle piece is not right next to yours. But there are, you know, other people who are maybe more similar to us. They have more similar experience but even they are going to have their own completely unique experience, but you see the sea Within families. Here's an interesting idea that just popped in and was a flash of insight.

To me, most puzzles, when all the pieces are completed, still have that basic pattern on the outside. Usually, those patterns are uniform in that regard. You could take one puzzle and connected to another and it reflects the simple nature of the universe. That larger patterning that larger pattern, ultimately. We will always fit will always meet. It's like universe doesn't like chaos universe. Doesn't like to have that much complexity, or else it would do different? Hmm, I think that's really a spective.

Yeah. That might be completely off base, that might be just a pipe dream. It might be whatever we make of it, but it's a thought its potential. Yeah. Where does the eagle block us? So often from Simply leaning into the Rachael Flatt might be. So it's definitely the unknown right. Because if we can't prepare for it we can't see what the potential outcomes of it are than we lean. Right back into Old patterns, everything that becomes known was once unknown everything in our being was once unknown unaware uninformed to us.

Yes. Yeah. If we get that perspective, them were constantly just available to The ultimate potential. Yes, of course, in order to get to that space of being available to the unknown, you sort of have to let go of what you do know, right? You have to make space for that that void like, feeling are brilliant for us. What we're no longer of use of our brain. Somehow find Space to clear, it pushes it out whether we want to or not. Sometimes hmm. We have to make room for That potential in our lives and allow that simple fact to be embrace it and love it with that self-love.

Yes the potential and of course it's the potential that unknown space is what allows us to grow, right? And that's what allows us to find things that make us happy and to what was previously unknown to you, or at least what you were not paying attention to you. When you go into that little uncertainty space. That's where The truth is you has the opportunity to expand into, so it's I always think that it's important to get into that. I call it sort of like a void space. Yeah, it's the potential for everything exists.

So it feels like nothing right now because you haven't liked. Picked anything. Afraid of that. Nothing. We're frankly, we're taught that. Nothing doesn't have value and meaning so often. Yeah, yeah. You know what I really think is we're afraid of that. Nothing space. Is we're actually afraid. We're afraid of success. We're afraid to be who we are, were even afraid to be a little bit happy. Because then it would mean that we have to live as the fullest expression of ourselves. And that intimidates us just a little bit and interesting because what are we focused on the fullness instead of ourselves?

Hmm, we're afraid of the process. We're afraid of the Judgment. We're afraid of the expectation. When we get down to the root of it, would you not somewhat aligned and agree with that? That yes yeah I think don't that's fine.

Uh-huh. Change in my own mind from day to day and I'm all right with that. Oh that's another great Point. Giving yourself space to change your point of view. I do it often. I yeah me that is truly being available to that. Potential change is inevitable. Ultimately becomes a more freeing state of being. Yes. Yeah, right. And if you want, of course, if you want to pick a constant, it's change, which is another one of those contradictions of the, A and allowing yourself to condition of the human mind.

Yeah. Yeah. They don't like believe that humans like to create different. Hmm. Yeah. That's an interesting way to grow by creating differences, right in creating that Duality. And I think that's a unique sort of Human Experience to do that, but it's the Um, space for the change. And The Duality, that is what usually freaks people out. That's a beautiful sentiment. Yeah. Just get away. Yeah. How are you getting in your own way? Is often a very effective question often, a very effective. Answer is the answer.

In the question, how do you get out of your way? Get out of your way. That's how I feel like from the moment people wake up. They get in their own way. They have this idea of plan. True I planned today yesterday, and so it has to follow the plan, and if it veers from the plan, then it's a bad day and I didn't do it correctly and I didn't do it. Right? And oftentimes people mess up their day if They're working a job that they hate if they don't give themselves the opportunity to listen to what they don't like, right?

Because that's an opportunity and a guidepost for you to pay attention to what you would like to change. But are just not giving yourself the space in the opportunity to and getting out of your own way. And maybe saying, well maybe I don't go into work today. Maybe I call in sick that even that can really scare people, right? Because you're presenting yourself with perhaps the glimmer of an Opportunity of being true to who you are and if you don't keep your nose to the grindstone and you start paying more attention to your own possibilities, your own opportunities for expansion and growth, you start to get a little scared, right?

Yeah, and that's fine. And how are we framing that whole experience when we go into work? If nothing else from covid. Hopefully we've observed that there are other ways of being, right? I don't go anywhere. You could be my livelihood, I do right here. Once we get a taste of that. What recipe are we going to come up with next? Yeah, that's exactly like being here from my space creating from my source of being. Hmm, rather than surrendering that notion that I can take authorship and ownership. That's just an insight to say.

Now you're being put in that perspective, here's the universe. Giving you your opportunity to see that window. Yes. Yeah. And will you take it? Li look at light shines on exactly exactly. Some of us will take it and some of us will be really scared of that opportunity and try and rush back to that previous thing no matter, how uncomfortable or how unhappy it made us, because we're hoping for stability, but a lot of us will be exhibit. A normal, you know, normal is a very Equanimity, estate equal mind.

Hmm. And of course, got well, what is normal? It's one of these things that We all collectively seem to agree upon. Yeah. Potential. That nothingness. We all so often we can fear, we don't know. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. One thing we often do though is try to diminish that state of anything down to. We all that's ego trying to normalize trying to reduce things down into a nothingness. That's not serving us. Right. Yeah, that whole. Well, we must all feel this way because I feel this way, right? And that is when we really get into trouble, I mean how many wars have been started for that reason and we don't all feel the same way about things, you know, and and as long as it's not hurting anyone else, right?

I'm not, you know, I'm not talking about like serial killers, really having a fun time killing people and we should honor that perspective. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about, I hate. Eggs and you hate asparagus but we feel opposite right? Like I love asparagus. How can you you know like I'm talking about things of interesting perspective, of where we can learn and grow and say oh it's interesting that you feel that way because I feel this way and that is that little space of unknown where you don't match up to someone like that's can either be exciting to people because they're like well what's that?

You know, it Sparks an interest or if you're someone who's really hoping for like Neil stasis and normality and it can really scare you because you're like, this is where I'm different. This is where I'm not safe, right? Because we equate being different with being unsupported and that's not always true. I love that, you brought that idea of homeostasis. Mm-hmm. That is such a state that can get contorted in Twisted that state of. Okay. Yeah, we battle with that so often, and that's a whole other conversation that I've dipped back into, we're not going to go back into that, but so, So often we stigmatize, that idea of, okay, things are in harmony balance things are flowing, things are moving.

Again, it's the perspective of the okay that you create from that you become the author from. If you're okay with something that's not serving you that might be something you want to pull into your awareness. It's not for me to decide it's not for me to judge but often it's something we can pull into our being and create a new state. Yeah. And there's this idea of homeostasis always being good and I feel as if I'm about to contradict everything I just said before, but it's like you said, sometimes homeostasis is built just on this idea of the life that we think we're supposed to create homeostasis is built on going to work every day.

Going to the grocery store every Saturday visiting your mother, every Thursday or, you know, mowing the lawn. Every two weeks and you find yourself stuck in this box and you find yourself in a life that you're so sick of, and you're so bored of. And it's because you want to maintain homeostasis, you want to maintain normality, you want to maintain this idea that you're keeping up with the Joneses. Everyone else does this? If you're an adult you're supposed to visit your mother, even though I have to pretend like, I can stand being in her presence or, you know, all of these things that make you genuinely unhappy.

But you Do them in pursuit of homeostasis over this illusion that you're OK, right? If I can do this then I'm okay, I'm just this is just life. I'm just doing it. And sometimes it's this idea that we want to prolong this time space that we're in, and that's never going to happen, right? We're always changing. We're always moving forward. I mean, technically we're not moving anywhere, but you know what I mean? We're always. He's expanding progressing as you live. Yes, exactly. One way and evolution.

Yeah. And so homeostasis is never really truly achievable. You can do it for a certain period of time, but that time will change and then so it feels as if your system is being thrown into chaos. But it's really just saying it's time for me to grow. I often equate it to like a Our in a pot. So, for certain amount of time that flower fits in that pot, and so, it feels like homeostasis because everything is staying the same, except it's all of those outer qualities that seem as if they're staying the same.

But your inner self is actually growing and expanding and learning new things. And so, when it feels like you, no longer fit in this, it feels sort of like a crisis point. It's chaos, right? You've been growing this whole time. You just haven't been paying attention to it and then so when you're ready to be repotted into a bigger pot, you're like, okay, all of this change is happening. I have to find a new pot. I have to find better soil. I have to, you know, yadda, yadda. And then when you get into this new pot, you're like, okay, homeostasis.

I'll never change. I'll never grow over again but you continue to grow and in so life can sort of feels if it's the series of, you know, Stillness and Chaos, right? But it's just Cause you're constantly trying to in your mind capture this idea of homeostasis and things, staying the same and you're just not recognizing how you are always growing and changing. And so really, there's no such thing as anything ever seeing the same, what a great perspective. Yeah, it's one that has helped me a lot, it's one of my patterns right?

Being in a space and feeling as if I Nothing fits anymore or I'm bored typically Get really bored. And I recognize myself as in a rut and other people may be excited by this. I'll thank God, it's homeostasis. I've been looking for. And often times I tell myself, I want a routine, I want to pattern, I want things to stay the same, but knowing me, I'm kidding myself. It's not actually what I want. I am always sort of striving for to learn more to grow more to experience more. And that's my own pattern, right?

But that's a pattern that excites me. And so that's how I know it's right for me. But it is, it is funny. It's not that I don't experience the chaos in the frustration, but I know that if I been paying more attention to my own patterns and noticing when I had gotten bored, then I may have been able to have less chaos by going with that and recognizing that pattern, recognizing that phase. And it's just this process of knowing yourself. I don't think it really ever stops because we're always growing and changing.

I want to thank you. This is truly been such an awesome conversation. Oh well, thank you for having me on. I've essentially watching how your perspective unfolds on this in feeling that wonderful energy, where can our listening Community, go to reach out to you. Julia connect with establishing that new pattern of growth. Hmm, yes. So, you can find me at Divine realignment.com, I have what I call a soul, blueprint alignments, where we figure out Out what your pattern is. I sort of see people that's like a snowflake or is like a mandala and it hurt.

It's basically like the 2D grid version of the 3D you that I see and I recognize those patterns and I explained what I see and what I see is who you could grow into and your potential. So if you're interested in that you can find me at Divine realignment.com. I'm also on Instagram and Facebook on the same names, what an awesome source of inspiration. We think you have to Julie a Connect. You are truly such a continuous source of vital energy and inspiration for growth. Thank you, thank you. I slept this conversation, I had such a fun time having a I feel like we could have just kept going on at all.

Thank you for that because it's so amazing when you can truly connect with others and just find that source of inspiration. So yeah, thank you. Thank you. In the war of the ego, there is no winner, never a loser rather than turning our ego into a warrior, accept it for the Storyteller. It truly is out of our vulnerabilities, come our Springs Embrace and accept yourself just for who you are Julia and I have share our thoughts and perspectives on how you can make your ego, your friend. Now, we'd like to hear how you found value in.

Today's episode, drop us in. By tagging us at the light inside podcast, share us on social media or leave us a review wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. Joining us next week is out there and radical Enlightenment coach, Kevin Russell, as we explore how to move past labels in Arch types, reconnecting with the innate wholeness of our inner selves, tune in to find out how on the light inside.

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